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Re: Oh my God - Now my Test begins - news from B.C » Dinah

Posted by Kath on July 24, 2006, at 10:40:13

In reply to Re: Oh my God - Now my Test begins - news from B.C » Kath, posted by Dinah on July 24, 2006, at 2:38:58

> Remember that detachment.


Hi Dinah - thanks very much for answering. And thanks for including the above!!! I think that today, I'll have it as a 'mantra'. When I say it, I'll take a deep breath & (as the counsellor suggested) imagine a strong string pulling me up straight from my head & replacing any guilt with calm confidence.

I'll probably have to do it MANY times, but that's OK.

I've also found a Naranon (like Al-Anon) Board for families of those with drug abuse problems. So far I haven't been able to figure out how to POST on it!!!!!! So Dr. Bob - you've done a good job on making this site easy & user-friendly!!!!! If I can figure it out, it'll be helpful I'm sure, as those people have been through just these exact things.

But, you know, it doesn't necessarily need to be a part of things that a person has been through something to be able to support someone. I find a lot of caring support here & gems of wisdom in people's suggestions.

I'm going to do the columns you suggested. It'll be good to have something very tangible that I can look at. I have to figure out what exactly to make the first column, though, because I'm codependent & 'what can I do' very quickly prompts the response to send money; contact his bio-Dad, etc. - things that might have been appropriate if he was 17 instead of 22!! Yikes.

It is SO difficult for me not to contact his bio-Dad. We aren't in touch...the only time we are is if I contact him regarding helping son (my ex had included in an email to me that he felt he'd like to help my son when son & GF first moved into their place) & asked for suggestions that would help him, but not hamper his independence.

In the 12-Step way of looking at things, when his behaviour has caused him to "hit bottom" in the past, my husband & I have always 'cushioned' that bottom. And as my daughter (30 - clean & sober for 7 years) has said, each time the 'bottom' is further down & harder to land in.

I just got up & was feeling pretty awful from dreams & the situation with my son. I did the TAT hold that I mentioned to Deneb & that I posted on the Alternative board. It helped quite a bit, but this is a horrible time in my life.

Thanks for your support. You sound like such a great Mom. I have said it before & repeat it gladly. :-))

Kath

 

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