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I'm Back my son's gone to B.C.

Posted by Kath on July 18, 2006, at 15:44:33

When my husband & I got back from a week away at a cottage, my son & his girlfriend had gone to British Columbia (half-way across the country) by bus.

They'd left their rented home & pretty-well everything in it...AND had given the landlord a letter saying that I had power of attorney to deal with all the belongings in the house!!!
As it turned out the house was a disaster!

I knew NOTHING about it!

I'm GLAD they're gone. And I'm glad in a way that they "dumped" dealing with their stuff on me because it is SO NOT O.K. that it gives me the strength to do the magic "D" word - DETACH.

I am not answering any long distance calls (there's a different ring fortunately). My son was leaving a message from each bus stop -
"Sorry I didn't say goodbye. I'm calling to see what you guys are doing. Will call from the next stop. Luv ya." - as if nothing at all out-of-the-usual had happened!

The house was a disaster. Stuff all over the place - clothes & photos & everything all over the floor - beer bottles, junk, dirty dishes all over & a full sink.

I notified the landlord that I had known nothing about anything, but that there were things in the house that I wanted. 4 of my son's friends & I went through their things. There were things I'd lent him & some family things that I didn't want to have thrown out. We bagged up all the clothes & linens for a shelter that said they'd accept stuff & wash it themselves.

Somehow it felt better giving stuff away than having it thrown in the garbage.

It was hard seeing some of the stuff that he was prepared to walk away from.

I had some good crys with hugs from his friends (who I've known for years). The friends were appalled at him just up & leaving!

Anyway, I put a message on my phone for him, telling him that I'm not in a place emotionally where I want to talk to him...that I'd had a lot dumped on me.

I have no idea when I'll want to talk to him. I think not until (or unless) he gets a job, holds it & is in the process of paying me money he borrowed ages ago.

I'm starting to feel pretty darned FREE. There's been grief to deal with....that a kind, sensitive kid has gotten so involved in masking his pain in drug use that he's left everything behind. That my son isn't the person he used to be....that pretty high up on the list of things that are important to him is: drug use

Pretty painful. But I only touch on those feelings VERY briefly. I'm concentrating on my feeling of being FREE....free from being involved in his life.

I'm going to a counsellor (hubby's work provides free counselling in crisis situations) - went yesterday for the first time & I think it'll be very helpful for me in getting through this.

The hard part is going to be when he leaves a message on the machine needing help. THAT will be hard. BUT there are Social Services provided free in B.C. same as here, so he'll be able to go there.

Kath

 

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poster:Kath thread:668040
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