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Re: response to cf w/another-long message inja

Posted by corafree on May 8, 2006, at 19:07:52

In reply to response to cf w/another-long message, posted by inja on May 8, 2006, at 11:30:20

Yes, I'm devastated, and they're having a 'hayday'!

How did you detach? I do want you to share some of what you've learned ... but right now, I'm shivering in the closet (Not literally .. I save that for a particular 'corner' in the bedroom!)

Someone told me once there are some things that we are not expected to have to forgive ... that we can use our own judgment and if we feel very strongly that it is beyond forgivable, that we do not have to forgive ... I mean morally, supernaturally, religiously, or however whomever believes.

My ex-abusive-husband raped me once after our divorce. He thought that when I moved out here by him, he'd get to 'visit' (ya' know .. visit visit) me. Since he learned otherwise, he's been throwing verbal darts my way and now two of my three children stand beside him. My children are my life.

They don't get it. One of them, he physically (not sexually) abused. Maybe she feels his 'putting a roof over her head' at this time (long story) is saying 'he is sorry' and that is why she's forgotten I exist. He is a manipulating, everybody's best friend, perfect, guy! (No.) My daughter knows better, but still she is dis'ing me. Can't she see he never ever 'did' or 'said' sorry' to me, and how unimportant she and my son are causing me to feel. I'm tired of calling them and begging them to see me.

Victim ... people tell me to take that stamp off my forehead ... that it shows.

But wait, I was a victim within the marriage and was recently outside the marriage, to his mastery of put-downs.

I had a good childhood Inga ... I didn't have to be tough ... that part is reversed w/ us isn't it???

Is that why I can't innately 'be tough' now, ya' think?

My father loved me. There may have been a problem w/ my mother. But, I was just a sweetheart. I remember me. I disappeared when my heart was broken 30yrs ago. I had lots of nice friends. I wish I could be her. She wasn't a snob either; she just 'loved and needed people' and it was reciprocated.

I like that you've shared your point of view re: forgiveness.

Valium is calming me now, and will lie down and think about self-esteem.

tks&love, cf




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