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update....II...sorry...gotta do it :)

Posted by alesta on March 29, 2006, at 14:30:31

In reply to letting it all hang out...*****TRIGGER*****, posted by alesta on March 22, 2006, at 10:29:58

well, things aren’t quite as relatively picture perfect as I thought they were (the last time I posted)...it’s so hard to explain everything that happens lately and all the reasons our relationship had improved temporarily...but I’ll just say that last week my bf was held at gunpoint (I know it’s hard to believe, but we live in a dangerous neighborhood right now...we are slowly getting ourselves together economically (we were on the streets a short while ago), and plan to move somewhere nicer in a couple of weeks). anyhow, he was different with me after that and quite protective...but I think things are kind of going back to the way they were. I just don’t know what’s gonna happen with us. He needs so much less intimacy than I do. He is a social butterfly, and he is content to hardly ever talk to me. just hold me at the end of the day, and maybe some other stuff, and he’s happy. Bleh. we used to talk for hours. Hmph. I hate guys that misrepresent themselves. The talking thing was the whole reason I wanted him! I thought we had this amazing connection from hell lol. i keep forgetting that this guy is abusive too. i guess that sounds kind of weird, huh.

Umm, I just wanted to say about the self-injury thing that I do not consider myself to be a self-injurer anymore. That was a long time ago, and I don’t even think I could do that to myself now. A combination of sexual abuse, along with, and probably more importantly, horrible abuse by my parents lead me to need some way to deal...I think that in an odd way cutting and such helped me to live. I just don’t want ppl here to think I was crazy or something. I don’t think I’m crazier than anyone else here..just went through some unbearable mental pain, and had to find an outlet of some kind. I told relatives and a friend’s parents what was going on...and they either didn’t believe me or did nothing and started going on about how horrible their childhoods were. And my parents rejected my requests for therapy/help, and denied my right to have feelings other than what they would allow me to have. and treated me like...ugh...It’s all too complicated, really..this is my last post dwelling on my past...I usually don’t talk about it cause...there’s no point anymore. And impossible to convey. I’ve already gotten it out of my system. Dunzo.:)

love you guyses,:-)
amy


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poster:alesta thread:623328
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060324/msgs/626156.html