Posted by deirdrehbrt on March 23, 2006, at 20:43:57
In reply to Re: ray guns, directed energy weapons.. » lostforwards, posted by Phillipa on March 23, 2006, at 18:56:56
Lostforwards,
A couple years ago, my meds weren't quite right. I was having manic episodes, mixed episodes, and depressed episodes. I was all over the place. Two close friends convinced me to see my doctor. I remember the night before I went to the hospital. I was taking a walk with them. I got ahead a bit, and was watching this man down the street who was watching me. I saw him clearly. He was there, and he was watching me. My friends caught up, and didn't see him. I felt so scared to turn my back on him, but I went with my friends, and when I turned back, he was gone.Was he there? Was he real? He was to me. I can still remember him. He seemed as real as anything else I've seen. Around the same time though, there were other things too that I was seeing. I was walking on a sidewalk, and believed I had stepped on a Manta Ray. I had to go back and check. Sometimes I felt elated when I saw something and had physical proof that it was real.
Too, I sometimes heard things, though it wasn't people talking to me. It could have been radios or such. One day, just before Christmas, I was in Walmart and was listening to the Christmas music, but it was all in German.
Things have gotten better though, with sticking to my meds, my moods are better.... not perfect, but better. Haven't heard strange things, haven't seen thigns that arent' there, and more importantly, I do see the things that are there. (One time, while driving, I drove smack into a car that I couldn't see). I stopped driving about then, but I'm hoping to do that again soon too.Anyway, some of the things I saw and heard seemed so real that I still remember them as if they were. But I know that Walmart in Somersworth NH doesn't play German Christmas music. I trust my friends enough to know that if they say there was no man where I saw one, that he probably wasn't there.
Does this mean that you didn't hear something? Absolutely not. I heard things. I saw things. I still remember them. It's just that what I saw and what I heard existed in my mind. They sounded real, and looked real becasue it's my mind that defines my reality. The music couldn't have sounded more real had Walmart actually been playing German music. That man couldn't have looked more real had he actually been there. The Manta Ray couldn't have been more real if it had been tossed onto the sidewalk by some fish restaurant.
That's the nature of mental illness. It alters our reality. It substitutes an alternate reality. Aside from my Bipolar, I also have BPD. Being Borderline, sometimes I'm CERTAIN that people are mad at me. I'll stop calling them because I don't want them to yell at me. I'll avoid them, and then I'm surprised when they say they miss me. It's just another thing that my mental illness convinces me is fact that isn't. I used to be self-destructive because I thought I had wronged someone terribly and thought they now hated me. It was all in my head though. Even now, I still have those tendencies, but I have better tools to identify what's real and what's not.
Anyway, for now, maybe you can do some reality testing. When you hear things, ask someone close to you if they heard it too. Even if you suspect Voice-to-Skull, remember that it's radio waves, which disperse over distance. They aren't like lasers. Even with a directional antenna, they disperse, so if someone was very close to you, say side-by-side, they would hear it. Also, those behind you would too. If no-one else can hear it, it's probably not real.
I'll admit that it's tough when it happens alone at home. If it does though, what's being said? If it's negative stuff from someone mad at you, try asking if it would be worth the expense of a top-secret, high-tech weapon just to get even.
Maybe you can keep a journal too, keeping track of when this happens so that you can tell your doctor how often it is, and what the nature of it is.
Lastly, if the doctor decides to alter your medication, see if the phenomenon goes away. If it does, then there are only two possibilities: First, that the experiences were a symptom, and the meds worked, or second, that the person tormenting you decided to stop just when you got on meds. I would tend to think that the first explanation is the one that makes more sense.
I didn't have the same experience as you, but I was seeing and hearing things that to me, were real. The meds helped. I don't doubt that they will help you too. Until they do, try the reality testing. Find ways to verify what you are hearing. Ask friends who are close. I can only give you my opinion as an engineer that the phenomenon you are describing, were it even possible, would be beyond the ability of anybody to afford. The directed energy weapons that do exist are simply not capable of describing the effects you are talking about.
So, I offer you what comfort I can. That I experienced something similar, though not identical, and made it through. I offer you the comfort of knowing that things that aren't real can appear to be, but that you don't have to live with them forever. I offer you the reassurance that it is beyond the means of someone who is trying to get even with, or back at you to do the horrible things you are experiencing. It is possibly even beyond their desire.
I'll pray for you tonight, that things will calm some for you; that you can experience peace.Blessings,
--Dee
poster:deirdrehbrt
thread:622925
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060318/msgs/623912.html