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Re: Dr. Bob, where would be a good place to... » Dinah

Posted by Tamar on March 4, 2006, at 20:52:14

In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, where would be a good place to... » Deneb, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2006, at 19:08:33

Dinah! Dinah, Dinah. Bob Crane kissed you! What an experience!

I saw the photo and you look beautiful. I’m sure you would look even more beautiful if I could see your face (though I understand that hiding it preserves your anonymity).

In the past you’ve said here that you’re plain. How can you say that? How can you put yourself down physically? OMG, Bob Crane *kissed* you! I’m not a man, but I’m a (sometime) gay woman and I can tell you categorically I would never kiss someone who wasn’t attractive.

Wow. Bob Crane *kissed* you. And not only that, he remembered you the next time. And then he was taken from you in a horrible crime. How appalling. And your therapist laughed till he cried when he read your feelings about it… well, I hope he was laughing near you rather than at you.

You sound much more like emotional Dinah in this post. Risperdal can’t mask everything! And your grief at Bob’s death was a very real grief. No wonder you still love him. You never had the chance to say goodbye. You never had the chance to ‘outgrow’ him. What a terrible experience to be kissed by a man who was later murdered, and all the time you were an emotionally vulnerable teenager. That would be hard enough as an adult, with a stack of complex adult relationships in your history. But to be a teenager, with no experience of the complexities of adult love… well, it’s appalling.

It sounds to me as if this was a man who demonstrated love to you, who showed you affection. And then things got complicated because it turned out he was into pornography and someone murdered him. Maybe it’s just me, but I think that’s terribly difficult to live with. My first teenage crush was on a concert pianist who died very young and although I’d never met him and he died of natural causes I felt an intense grief for him. To be kissed by a man who turns out to be something you hadn’t quite imagined… well, it’s not easy at all. I hope your therapist was appropriately compassionate after he’d cried with laughter at your teenage attempts to understand how you lost your love.





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