Posted by wildcard11 on February 12, 2006, at 6:56:31
where to begin~wow. today is the 1st day in years that i can recall waking up and feeling happy to be alive. i have realized a huge factor in my ptsd from the rape. i haven't forgiven myself. not just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time but for how i acted afterwards. i now am realizing that i was acting out as a cry for help. i had never been a drinker or pill popper, i didn't act like a hootchie at clubs and i had never ever stole ANYTHING, let alone a very large sum of money to give away to people i felt needed it. since my attempt i have been a prisoner in my own skin. i realized that i have been carrying a ton of shame around w/ me for years now not only b/c of the rape, but how i reacted to it.he took a part of me but i lost a part of who i was proud to be. i was opposite of my family and very proud of that. i will go out today and face my fears for just a little while and hopefully again tomorrow. just needed to get that out.
poster:wildcard11
thread:608878
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060212/msgs/608878.html