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Re: Topomax and redheads... » fierycelt

Posted by Storm Rider on February 6, 2006, at 16:09:19 [reposted on February 6, 2006, at 20:01:28 | original URL]

In reply to Re: Topomax and redheads..., posted by fierycelt on February 6, 2006, at 0:26:26

>I certainly admire you, I hope someday to be as self-assured as you.

Suzy, I was not always this self-confident and it doesn't take much to shoot me down at times...
growing up in a family of over-achievers (my mother, for instance was the first woman bank accountant) was not easy and all I ever heard was,
"Is that the best you could do?"... exams with 100 in geometry and algebra and trig were not good enough...and I am not being sarcastic here...
my first memory of my mother (remember I woke up one day when I was almost four with no memory of who I was or who anyone else was) is being told that she wanted a redheaded son and now she was stuck with me... the second is being told she much preferred the little girl in the apartment upstairs...
well, I had to ask.... should have known better...

when I won at music festivals, even when I was invited to sing at Massey Hall, Toronto's answer to Carnegie Hall and the gift of one of the branches of my family, it was never enough...
one always had to do better or more...
I certainly never rested on my laurels because I never thought I did anything well or well enough...

finished college with an A average.... the equivalent to 4.0 grade point .... and all I heard was that no one really thought my choice of courses was all that demanding...
why bother finishing at all... I didn't even bother showing up for graduation and didn't bother with the master's programme...
I just wanted to get out from under all that...

My selfconfidence such as it developed under the tutelage of my husband who is so selfconfident he is arrogant...
we met when I changed high schools the last time... went to 28 schools actually... and he is brilliant and doesn't care if he uses it or not... he is busy enjoying life... an athlete and a scientist...
and my greatest fan and my staunchest critic...
I have to be best at what I do or I won't do it, and he is always there to make sure I get it right... that I don't put forth half-baked efforts...
quick with the positive comments and quick with ways to make it a better performance...
I always say that when someone hires me they hire the team because no matter where he is working, he puts my career of the moment first...

He has been supportive of my many health problems... including the epilepsy...
his attitude was 'You didn't plan it and you couldn't help it. You didn't ask to be born and you certainly didn't ask for such a traumatic birth experience, but I thank God you were born and you survived it all, now let's live with it...'

When I was diagnosed as being diabetic, I felt guilty about it, there have been so many redhead quirks of health... but he took it in stride...

the other stuff that happens since the epilepsy kicked it up a notch or ten worries him. He is afraid sometimes to go to sleep at night in case I have a bad seizure and need help. Other times, after these wretched intensive stupidities when my system is confused and the wiring goes haywire, he is furious and terrified all at once, because he does not know when I may go into statis or may have one of the extreme seizures when I walk home from work, crossing streets and all the rest with no idea that I am doing it, literally comatose for an hour or more...
Our relationship is a strong one, and he is terrified at what might happen...
and the neurologist should be terrified at what could happen to :( because our next visit could get ugly...

Other people react differently... they wait for the performance sort of thing... some want to protect or nurse or whatever it is they think they are doing...
it is often easier to simply pretend that I have no condition...
but others have to be warned these days that something could happen because until everything is back to so-called normal again, we don't know what is next...

The people who work with you are aces in my book...
what an incredibly positive and supportive way to approach that woman's seizure...
wish she could get on topomax to help her control the seizures....

tell her I am thinking of her and sending her thoughts for strength and power over the condition....

as for your ADHD...
your husband strikes me as having the right take on it...
you are who you are and I think it would be great to be able to exchange books and share time...
so many people are sooooo dull...
that is a problem here... too many people outlive their minds, they bury their minds at 25 and their bodies live until 80 or longer with never a thought or idea to darken the horizon...

Life is meant to be lived... every moment...
it may not always be what others think is proper or perfect...
but it is life...
and there is not a second chance to do it...
it is not a dress rehearsal...

one thing I would caution, next time you increase, do not go up so fast... stick to the minimum two week intervals...
it is important...

there is a direct communications thing with this board Suzy...
a sort of email contact...\and I forget what it is called. I know I checked it for Storm Rider...
we can email directly if you like without ever revealing any contact information so you keep your privacy protected...
that might help you get through these starting days...
think about it...
kat

This may sound strange, I wish you lived in my neighbourhood, you would be my favourite person to have my afternoon tea with...or trade books with...
>
> I was raised to never give a thought to other peoples "disabilities"...actually my mother always taught me that, like myself & my ADDHD, it was what made them uniquely them...and I was to respect what the universe had "set in place". I have always assumed other people are like this, but deep down inside I realize they are not.
> I'm sorry your mother did that to you. I suppose she thought she was doing the right thing for you, but maybe it was the right thing for her!! The "embarressment" of having a less than perfect child...such a shame. I hope you have made peace with this and her. I hope I have not offended you!! ...a personal question? Did it bother your husband when he found out?
>
> Like I mentioned before, working in a strip club isn't all bad, they are certainly very tolerate of "differences", unlike corporate America. Maybe because we are such "outcasts" based on what we do for a living. I would much rather "fly under the radar" and be an "outcast" in societies eyes, than be subjected to the close scrutiny and judgement by corporate America. I think it is better to be different than the same. I just can't see myself as a "sheep". We certainly all look out for each other...
> One of the D.J's and one of the dancers has epilepsy. When this particular dancer goes on stage, certain lights aren't used. No muss, no fuss...no memos or seeing the corporate doctor. We all know what to look for in each one of these individuals when they may be having a seizure coming on! Once, this dancer had a seizure on stage!! The DJ shut the music off, had every dancer(30) come on stage & stand in a big circle around her, to watch her & made every customer stand up and turn their back to the stage..."gentlemen have some respect"!!! The GM called the ambulance and when it was over one of the bouncers & the GM went to the hospital with her. The owner paid for her hospital visit. And we are all "Losers"?????!!!!! HHHMMMM....
> You are so right, people are unbelievably insensitive. They think they are being sensitive or PC, but infact they are making the situation worse. I experience it everyday. It is nothing for someone to remark about another being upset/angry as being "BiPolar". They say the word BP like they have bad taste in their mouth. I'm not sure why society thinks being upset/angry is a sure sign of BP...oh, it is one of many...but not a sure sign. Did you "gently educate" that cameraman? Hope so...
> Are your moccasins uncomfortable? Sometimes mine "pinch" a lot...give me blisters.
>
> Boredom...when I am bored I get into mischief...not really... but my husband (yup I'm married)(he's a sweetie) says I become willful and stubborn...a handful. But it is just who I am he says. He is very patient/calm, a by-product of being Southern, thank goodness...However, he goes to school full time, works full time, tries to support both of us financially since I'm not making money and keep track of me. Alot of stress, he seems unflappable, but I am afraid he will cave in eventually. It's not fair to him. But...he says he married me not because I was perfect, but because I was perfect for him...he knew life would always be interesting with me, after all dating me was!! Fortunately he never tries to "fix" me or anything I do...he has seen me at my absolute worst and has never told me what "I need to do". He has always told me it is up to me what I feel I need to do. I am not suggesting he thinks I am not sick, but he realizes I am the only one who can take control of my health. He just helps...reminds me about things...now it is eating, taking vitamins and doing yoga. I never doubt for a minute I am luckier than most...
>
> I loved the... "I have been through so many incarnations that I have met myself coming in the door as I was going out..." I will try and remember that...a reminder that with the restless mind sometimes "history" repeats itself and not to get alarmed or discouraged...fabulous!!!!
> There was a movie with Bette Midler and Lily Tomlin about twins switched at birth...a great line from the movie... "if you stand here long enough, you see yourself come out"...what you said made me think of it...aaahhh another random ADDHD reference. Life is grand!!!
> So-o I, impatient as always, increased my Topamax by 25mg (now 50mg) 5 days earlier than you suggested...I hope this wasn't one of my less than better ideas...will let you know.
> I'm ok being the "Village Idiot" (I will still be smarter than Mr. Bush,LOL) but I don't want to lose my hair. I am going to research vitamin suppliments, to hopefully, prevent this.
>
> Warm Regards,
> Suzy


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poster:Storm Rider thread:607023
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060203/msgs/607024.html