Posted by alexandra_k on January 20, 2006, at 17:56:06
In reply to agreeing w/ someone when they dis someone else?, posted by JenStar on January 20, 2006, at 17:11:01
Hey. Wow are you a mind reader or what?! This is something that I have been thinking about a fair bit recently.
> Sometimes I AGREE with them that the person in question has screwed up, and I say things like, "You're right, he/she is a jerk, he/she is acting dumb, he/she is totally being an insensitive *explective deleted*." I commiserate and we both talk about how awful that person is acting.
I guess I've decided not to do that anymore. I might agree that it sounds to me as though the person was insensitive with that remark, or something like that, but I don't join in the slinging match anymore.
Sometimes people get f*cked off with me. I think maybe some people think you have to join in the slinging match to be a real friend or something... But I do think it is possible to support someone while not being party to that kind of thing. But then again... Maybe not. I don't know. I'm sure some people can handle it.
> Then I feel weird...will my friend think I'm fickle for agreeing that the person was a jerk, but now accepting that the person is no longer a jerk? Will my friend remember that I myself said bad things about that person, and hold a grudge? SHOULD I move on just as my friend has?
I think it avoids that whole thing. And I don't have to worry about being fickle. And I don't feel like a backstabber. And... Its a courtesy I am trying to extend to non-friends too.
I think I'm going to lose friends over this one...
But...
If I'm going to lose them over that then I really need to ask myself... How much do they value my friendship and my personal boundaries?I know I've met a few people in my lifetime who refuse to partake in those kinds of conversations. I respected them a great deal for that. Because I appreciated... That they would never partake in that kind of conversation behind MY back. And really... I think those are the best friends at the end of the day.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:601181
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060115/msgs/601198.html