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a classic past Christmas post from ----» » Phil

Posted by zenhussy on December 24, 2005, at 12:59:28

In reply to Medhead's Christmas, posted by Phil on December 24, 2003, at 20:27:17

a classic Phil post if ever there was...... =^)
************************************************

>'Twas the night before Christmas; I sprang from my bed,

>Hideous visions aflame in my head.

>Was I dead? Overfed? Wherefore this dread?

>Then it hit me like lead: I'd not taken my meds!

>Away to the window I flew like a flash

>Ere recalling that I of course kept my stash

>Near my bed in a tray divided by days.

>I pried Wednesday open, then felt myself sway --

>It was empty! Ye gods! I hadn't refilled!

>Would the panic of Christmases Past now rebuild?

>The sobbing at Saks, the crying at carols?

>The ill-chosen gifts? The parties? The peril?

>The scorching of chestnuts, the gulping of nog?

>The tantrum that comes from a wet Presto log?

>The messy obsessing with all things morose?

>Could I do that again? No, no! I'd be toast.

>Quick! Call the druggist! (I said to myself),

>And I did, but instead of the pharmacy elf,

>I heard a man say in a proud, twangy voice:

>"Our nation's depressed have new cause to rejoice!

>I've expanded our war! (the one against drugs)

>To wipe out all evil, including the thugs

>Peddlin' them psychopharmaceuticals!

>The Depressed can use faith! Like I do! It's beautiful!"

>Then there was silence. I thought: It's a hoax.

>A crop circle con job; the worst of all jokes.

>With trazodone gone, I'd do no more sleeping;

>Sans Paxil I'd go back to whining and weeping,

>Not to mention seeing the Man in the Hall:

>("Your negative animus!" had been my shrink's call.

>"Animus schnanimus!" had been my response.

>"I just want him gone!" "Drive him out with your thoughts,"

>He'd suggested. "Be strong. Quit your groanin'."

>And I did once my brain had been fed serotonin!)

>But now all these lifesaving drugs had been banned

>So the free and the brave could reclaim the land?

>But the brave, I'd found out, didn't have special talents;

>Their brains were just blessed with chemical balance!

>In withdrawal already, I thought I could see

>My pre-med affliction flying toward me --

>'Twas my negative animus driving a sleigh;

>Eight twinkling iguanas pulled it this way!

>"I'm not home!" I screamed out, but closer they came

>Till I swear I could hear him call them by name:

>"Now, Prozac! now, Xanax! now, Paxil, now Zoloft!

>Onward, Wellbutrin! On, Vodka and Rudolph!"

>Who was my bad animus? St. Nick? A pusher?

>Part of a trap set up by some Busher?

>Mister Rush Limbaugh? Mister Bill Bennett?

>The ghost of Strom Thurmond returned to the Senate?

>Unable to bear it, I jumped back in bed,

>Dived under the covers and feigned being dead

>Till this darkness had passed and on came the dawn.

>My animus and his iguanas were gone,

>And my Wednesday meds were still in their slot.

>('Twas Tuesday I'd checked, while my judgment was shot.)

>I swallowed them quickly and tried to put right

>The lingering fright from my harrowing night:

>Such a nightmare I'd had! It was worthy of Freud!

>And poor Kafka too: It was that paranoid!

>A Jungian rerun! So very regressive

>To dream Bush would steal the rights of depressives!

>Had he not, after all, used drugs himself?

>(Albeit none that had come from a pharmacy shelf?)

>Still, the man had compassion; ditto the season!

>(I kept telling myself, searching for reason.)

>But try as I might I could not feel secure

>Till I phoned up my druggist and made really sure

>That I'd dreamed it all up, and had I? You bet.

>Nothing that crazy could happen. (Not yet.)

>Jean Gonick

 

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