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Re: I'm not sure what is ok to say anymore » Deneb

Posted by alexandra_k on July 11, 2005, at 3:34:49

In reply to Re: I'm not sure what is ok to say anymore » messadivoce, posted by Deneb on July 11, 2005, at 0:25:31

>Is it ok to say that I think I'm doomed because I have a BPD?

Well... Yeah you can say it but it isn't true.

>How did I go from being just socially anxious to having one of the worst psychological disorders?

Because of your other symptoms...

>Am I really that disordered? I don't think I am. I don't even cut anymore and when I did it was never serious.

Thats just one symptom. But it is typically considered to be the hallmark of BPD. Don't worry so very much about being *that* disordered. Personally... I found it really hard to think of myself in terms of my dx all the time. I am a person. And I have a couple (maybe even more than a couple...) of problems. Its about your problems and about getting help for your problems. The actual dx isn't all that helpful. And it isn't all that helpful to consider how you are the same / different from the 'typical borderline' or whatever. Work towards what you want out of life rather than spending your life running from a dx. Thats my advice anyways...

>I think I'm ok. I don't think there's anything that wrong with me,

Mostly you do really well :-)
Its just that sometimes you lose it a little with the paranoia, anxiety, morbid preoccupation etc. Its just about lessening the impact of the latter so you are more able to live your life along the lines of the former.

>but other people react so very strongly and negatively to what I say sometimes.

I think thats mostly when you are intensely upset. Because that upset is catchy. Other people feel it - but because they feel it in response to you and where you are at they tend to feel it towards you if that makes any sense.

>Please tell me the truth people, do you think I really have a BPD?

In my humble opinion... Yup. But thats ok. I think one day you won't have it anymore. And you will have all the positives of that personality style: you will be colourful and energetic and vibrant and passionate and you will be able to help others who are struggling with the issues you have made headway on.

>Is it ok to ask if this is going to be the death of me? (being borderline)

Nope. Or at least: It is up to you. The crossroads... There was something from girl interrupted... I wish I could remember it...

She said she was ambivalent.

Her Dr said that yes, she thought that was apt.

She thought ambivalent meant that she didn't care.

But the Dr looked it up in the dictionary and ambivalent suggests a struggle between two opposing courses of action. Yup. That was it. A struggle between two opposing courses of action.

Would she embrace / revel in her flaws? Her faults? Embrace her pathology?

Or would she begin the long road to getting better. To making a life worth living for herself.

That was a decision she had to make.
That was a decision I had to make.
That is a decision you have to make too.

Because you have so much potential. I know sometimes it is hard for you to see that - but you have so much potential.

But the decision is in your hands. Do you want to make a life worth living and beat this, or do you want to go round and round the same dull round...

>This is absolutely horrid...is it ok to say that I think my life is ruined? I don't fit in...I don't even fit in here.

You might feel like you don't... But you fit in fine :-)

>I don't know anymore. :-(

I feel like that a lot too :-(

>I don't think there is any help for me that will work. I've already gotten help.

Yeah. And sometimes you say you found it helpful. Unfortunately... There isn't a magic cure. No magic pill. Nobody can make it all better for you. But life is a journey and I reckon what you most need (or at least what I most need) is people to walk alongside you for a while. A clinician onside would be helpful to you too.

> Then I saw the p-doc I've been seeing for the longest time, over 2 years I think, maybe even 3? She knows me well and told me recently that I had a BPD when I asked her. She's kept it from me for a long time I think because I didn't directly ask her. She's also nice. She's on maternity leave. I don't want to see her anymore because she's a busy person...lots of troubled uni students to see.

Yes dear - but you will be one of them! I remember you posting about her. Sounds to me like she was really helpful to you. Really helpful. Not the magic cure to be sure, but helpful nevertheless. And you felt that you could talk to her about what was going on for you. That can be hard to come by... It is a real bummer that she had to have leave. I really think you should try to see her again.

And I also really think that you should try and find out about whether you can do DBT. Its up to you but I think it would help you HEAPS. But you need to be pro-active to get the help that is out there.

> I don't really think it was very productive anyways. She talked too slowly sometimes. I liked how she never freaked when I talked about suicide though.

Yeah. The latter is important. As for talking slow... Well... Nobodies perfect and that could be soothing sometimes. I remember you talking about her and I remember thinking I was glad you had such a nice sounding and helpful clinician to talk to.

> I don't think anything will help because no one really knows how to treat BPD.

Yes they do.
Yes they do.
They have had really good success.
Especially with DBT.
And with talk therapy in general.


>

 

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