Posted by Susan47 on April 29, 2005, at 11:31:19
In reply to Alesta and Sunny, posted by Susan47 on April 28, 2005, at 14:57:36
You know, this is terrible about my boundaries. Because he did tell me he couldn't help me, and he shut me out lots of ways. But I kept coming back for more of that loving feeling he'd been able to bestow. Having never had it before I needed it. And my depression now is because I can't seem to keep the feeling of loving for myself, the feeling I'm worth loving. You know, loving actions don't do everything, me being a good person and feeling love and caring for others isn't enough, I need to feel love for me too. I don't know how to do that without getting it from someplace. It's why parents get the empty-nest syndrome, I think. You spend all these years loving your children and putting them first, then suddenly they don't need you anymore, and you realize you never worked on love for yourself, a lifetime love.
Anyway, I had an absolutely horrible nightmare dream last night. It was so bad and it said so much and I was tempted to turn on the light and write it all out but I honestly was afraid because I knew it wouldn't do any good unless I posted it and got help with it, but I also knew it was so gruesome that it'd be a terrible trigger for lots of people so I promptly went and forgot it.
It's too bad, I should've gone ahead and posted it with a trigger warning, right away, I can't do the dream diary thing, it's too much like being alone. I have terrible issues with being alone.
poster:Susan47
thread:490260
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050426/msgs/491437.html