Posted by PM80 on April 29, 2005, at 8:11:55
In reply to Desensitized to suicide?, posted by Shy_Girl on April 28, 2005, at 23:34:22
You are not evil, and I would guess that you are not alone in your fascination with suicide. Of course, you can post this. This site is designed so that you can post these kinds of things. Your smileys tell me that you are trying to keep things light, make a joke of sorts, about a very serious issue for you. I have read that in therapy, the patient will often joke about and make light about the very thing that is most serious and hurts the most (no, i'm no doc, just a patient who has done her homework).
To recap your words: when you are not depressed, you are fascinated by suicide and want to feel depressed. Could it be that what you really want is attention and validation? Do people take you more seriously when you talk about killing yourself? It feels really nice when people pay attention and care about us. Everyone searches for ways to be heard. OR maybe when you feel good, you do not think that you deserve it. Do you think that feeling good invalidates the times when you felt legitimately bad? - Times, maybe, when it was normal and healthy to feel sad? Could your fascination with suicide be connected with a desire to be allowed to feel a range of emotions? OR could suicide-lover maybe be an identity of sorts for you? Something like, you are the "messed" up girl who loves suicide, when peers talk about you? Again, this would garnish a lot of sympathy for you. Sympathy feels nice.
Maybe it is some combo of these ideas or maybe it is something else all together, but suicide is a scapegoat for you. It is a distraction from a real issue, a real pain, in your life. You're human and do not need to be ashamed of your feelings or what you post here or what you say elsewhere, butI would recommend getting help immediately. One day, you might feel so low and act on this fascination. Suicide is a horribly permanent solution to a temporary problem.
poster:PM80
thread:491253
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050426/msgs/491374.html