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Re: Am I a horrible person????? » woolav

Posted by pinkeye on April 14, 2005, at 14:51:59

In reply to Am I a horrible person?????, posted by woolav on April 14, 2005, at 13:46:30

You are not a horrible person. It is a pretty common thing to feel resentment when you are asked to do something which you didn't want to. And you didn't even want to have a second baby for yourself, so being in a situation to be a mom is little difficult for you.

But, that said, there is a better way to handle your situation. Think of the things that you get from your husband and try to look at the kid as the kid of your husband. And the kid is just 4 and half and he probably has nothing to do with the fact that his dad got divorced and got married again. Your husband's happiness will depend on the kid's happiness to a great extent. And your happiness will depend on your husband's happiness. So even if you look at it from a more self centered point of view, it will do you good in the long run to take care of this kid well, because your husband will really really come to love you if he sees you are taking care of this kid well. And no man comes without a baggage of some sort or another.. and neither do we. And it is a considerably small baggage to deal with (the kid only comes to spend 2 weeks every other month with you). What would you do, if your husband starts resenting your daughter for the lack of privacy and other things? Teenage daughter is not as much of a problem as a 4 and a half, but still there are other challenges and you don't want yrou husband to resent your daughter.

From a more altruistic point of view, human beings are meant to take care of each other in a sense.. If you get old, and for some reason your daughter or your hsuband is not avaialble, the next closest relative to you would be your stepson. Wouldn't it be great if you could develop a loving and pleasant and nice relationship with him? And we do in fact get some happiness in serving people without any expectation. It might look like preaching, but really human beings tend to get a great deal of spiritual satisfaction just from helping others, even by sacrificing their own interests to an extent. If you can develop a little more spiritual and service oriented attitute towards life, and develop more gratefullness and spirituality, it will immensely help. Little things which you have to sacrifice for the kid's sake, are probably not going to mean anything in the long run. But having another good close human relationship in your life, will give immense meaning to your life. If you can think of it that way.


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