Posted by Dinah on April 8, 2005, at 20:45:03
In reply to Re: :-( » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on April 8, 2005, at 20:00:32
Not least because I've been working there all my working life. I don't know anything else.
Thanks everyone.
One of my bosses congratulated me on my calm(?!!!) manner today. Must have been because he was deftly returning to me a project I tried to hand off to him. ;)
I know there's more to me than my work, intellectually at least. But being first a good student, and then a good employee is so much a part of my self image that it's hard to let go.
They do let me work from home, and I've been doing that for some time. I decided to go into work every day for a while so they can *see* me working. But I'm still averaging the same number of hours a day. They're just hours they can see. Then I come home and crash.
I'll just soldier on till they fire me or I catch up, I guess. Or more likely, they'll take away some of my work, but not actually fire me. Yeah. That's the most likely thing. I guess as long as I still make the number of hours I need for them to cover my medical, I'll be ok. But it stings. It's contrary to everything I've ever expected from myself.
My therapist keeps saying "Just do the best you can. You can't do any better than that, so there's no point worrying about it." Sigh.
This may have something to do with the fact that I never could see much difference between a "C" and an "F". Maybe not even a "B". I have to do well, because I can. And I can't quite grasp that I really can't.
Because really, how can I really really really be sure I can't do better?
poster:Dinah
thread:481349
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050408/msgs/481808.html