Posted by verne on March 12, 2005, at 22:04:54
In reply to Wet, posted by verne on March 12, 2005, at 3:15:13
Thanks all for the kind responses. I'm really hurting in more ways than one. This morning, hungover, I turned on the computer, it whirred, clicked, spoke something in chipmunkise, and died.
My best friend happens to be a forensic computer pathologist and he came over. After several hours and beers, we couldn't revive it. I'm now using an old 1996 antique with a 32k modem - and yes, psychobabble is slow.
I'm finally ready to go with DSL and a new computer but I'm so stressed out emotionally I can't deal with the change. I was on such a high horse yesterday and everything was falling into place - including the mixed metaphors that came home to roost.
I had rounded up all the empties (beer bottles) in the garage for recycling. This took several hours and I felt like I was at a dig. When I was through I had 696 bottles bagged and ready. But sometimes I had to pour out the undrunk, undead, unopened, unnatural beer that survived the binges. Whilst occupied with this grusome task, I succumbed to the urge to take a swim in 18 fresh beers, got blasted,later lost a bunch of meaningless tokens at texas-holdem, made some regrettable posts, and awoke in shame to a dead computer.
My bible-thumping friend would have said I'm being punished by God. Actually, I don't think I'm that significant.
I hesitated even looking at this thread, not sure what I had written. In fact, I've been somewhat suicidal - but not actively planning anything. I'm just in too much emotional pain to be hungover and have computer trouble. I can afford a new computer but I can't deal with the hassle. I would rather just "check out" than even hook it up.
I'm glad I did review my post and your responses. I usually have little regard for cyber relating. My idea of a date is looking at a photo and dreaming.
Jai, I don't have a cyber relationship with anyone, I was just being my usual cryptic self. Thanks Kara, for the especially kind words.
Thanks all. Earlier this evening I hoped somehow I wouldn't see tomorrow. Sometimes my perspective is so clouded by borderline personality disorder, atypical depression, PTSD, and alcohol.
I'm really hoping for a dry spell. Not sure about the gardener. Being borderline, I can add sex addict to my many excesses, yet a fling holds no promise for me. Nothing spiritual or midlife about it, just don't grab me. I mean, I'm actually trying to talk myself into an affair with the gardener/massage therapist without success! She isn't unattractive, and best of all, doesn't wear make-up. I like all real, all natural, people.
Borderline personality disorder seems to "mellow" with age in some ways - I make less angry phone calls for example - yet the emptiness and complete lack of self seems to get worse.
And what's really wild is that I would rather watch an exercise video (like the 20 minute workout) than go out on a date with a massage therapist. I'm sure a poor excuse for a sex addict.
Verne
poster:verne
thread:469952
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050305/msgs/470285.html