Posted by just plain jane on January 16, 2005, at 15:37:57
In reply to Why do I feel guilty?, posted by saw on January 14, 2005, at 1:30:26
feeling guilty is so much more fun than feeling worthy? And most of us are really good at it by now, even though we can sit here and tell one another not to feel guilty, it is much harder to put it into practice in ourselves.
The vast majority of people I have encountered with psychological disorders but not really delusional, and who are aware of how their condition affects them, feel guilty when they are feeling better, like you say.
Some have been dealing with their aberrent personalities for so long they self talk, aloud, when there is a problem with feeling unworthy of the care, compensation, medications, attention, and all else that goes with their bad times.
Funny, most "sane" people use the cliche "you have learn to take the bad times with the good"... well, ironically, we must learn to take the good times with the bad.
Personally, in the past two years I have gone through psychoheII dealing with all these horrid things I was too much of a bada$$ to think I had anything to deal with when they happened, two and three decades ago. They happened; end of story. I get up the next day and go on like usual.
It's been particularly hard for me because I am without need of a man (i am hetero, but just don't find it more important than being independent); I had never accepted help from anyone from the time I was little.
Now, I have been examined, headshrunk, continue with therapy, had the medical facts looked at, and been granted a disabiity.
And when I go to the VA for therapy, the pdoc, meds, anytime, I see men in all conditions resultant of war and I FEEL GUILTY, because I am rated right beside them.
And if i had a friend who was in my situation, and I was not, I would tell her, "You have suffered with multiple disabling physical and psychological problems, all stemming from incidents when you were in the service and what happened was service connected. You deserve this and should have been getting it long ago, instead of struggling through your life in physical and psychological pain and agony, trying to be the sole support and responsible party wherever you went."
But apply that to myself?
Yeah, right.
jpj
poster:just plain jane
thread:442001
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050116/msgs/442833.html