Posted by lostforwards on December 12, 2004, at 7:02:11
In reply to lost.., posted by justyourlaugh on December 11, 2004, at 23:30:19
I said really like because I felt like the word love was a sin. My mother never liked me having girlfriends. When I did like a girl in High School, I could say every word, but the word love. Even as a gesture of friendship. I'd instead turn it into a joke and say I ehhh her, like bart simpson would do, sticking his finger in his mouth and retching. Ha. That's what I'd do.
Now my sexuality is a little screwed up, I feel like cutting it off sometimes. I feel gross.
The thing is I liked some of the more annoying things about my ex. The cooler she'd be the hotter I'd get. I think Helen Fisher actually wrote something about that sort of thing. In fact, the very first girl I fell for deeply but didn't go out with was really moody. The difference with her is she was giving.
What I wanted was her but I can't have her. The very things that I was attracted to in her, are the things that led to misunderstandings, and lack of communication. She just didn't talk about her feelings at all much. I'd have to probe her. I don't know why I liked her. I never asked her to be something else. I did always think that there was hope. I guess I was wrong.