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I'm so ashamed -or- obligated??? (((Dinah)))

Posted by 64Bowtie on September 26, 2004, at 9:42:28

In reply to I'm so ashamed, posted by Dinah on September 25, 2004, at 22:52:46

When I found how profoundly obligations and expectations messed with my life....

Wait a minute! My life? That's it! This is my life, and I only have one!!!

....I started seeing others forcing me this way and that with a twist of a phrase. They didn't have to hook a joystick wired to my a*s to get me to do stuff. I did it simply because I felt obligated, and/or, I felt like I was waiting for them to give me what they promised.

(((Dinah))), what is it that your parents have each promised to you and you are simply waiting for them to deliver? What are the still unfinished goodies you so crave? Why are the stakes so high that you can't escape with your life intact?

I had to ask myself these questions several times, as if I were a monkey, until I got the jist of what the question meant. Weren't the embodiment of the answers to my questions actually my demons? Wasn't I being blackmailed into pseudo-survival to make someone elses world work for them at the cost of my life to me? Yep!

Not no more no how!

I don't get blackmailed so easily anymore. I know I sound like a space-alien sometimes. Sadly I didn't come to Babble fully fledged. Still, that said, do you get blackmailed by your expectations of the promises of each of your parents, vieled promises or not, hooked by a sublime obligation you can't seem to shake. That's just blackmail all over again, only very personal, and sometimes very subtle. I now have most of my life back. The rest is happening....

If so, we are more alike than you may be willing to admit. We all herein are alike in this way. The whole world might be working this way and Hollywood movies have it all wrong! Obligations and Expectations just don't work for adults. The stakes get raised and our internal demons mess with our feelings and blackmail sets in like gangrene.

(((Dinah))), please see yourself from my vista point for a just a minute. Please. I see you in suffering pain and want so much to take it from you. I won't lie or be inappropriate to you. I will not promise anything to you and will not obligate you with (one way) demands. I can love you without obligation (approval feels just like love, when you meet your obligations... approval is conditional but feels good). I am not so space-alien as this first sounds or I wouldn't be here today.

Rod


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poster:64Bowtie thread:394020
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040923/msgs/395245.html