Posted by octopusprime on August 4, 2004, at 18:57:35
In reply to I got some tragic news **possible trigger**, posted by Cass on August 4, 2004, at 17:45:34
((cass))
i am so sorry.
i've been sorting out how to feel when one of your friends commits suicide. i sadly went through this myself not too long ago. i posted about it on the grief board.
cass, how would you feel if i told you that you can never really know why another person commits suicide. i mean, if there was a note, it's not like his family is going to share the contents of the note with you. since you were not in a deeply personal relationship with him, it's likely you'll never really understand why he did it. how will you come to terms with that, if it's the case?
talk about it. talk to people in your congregation. don't just sweep it under the rug. talk about how you felt when you found out. get the support you need to make it through.
since you are posting here, i wonder if you have suicidal thoughts or have had suicidal thoughts in the past. does hearing about the suicide of somebody you know make you want to kill yourself too? call somebody that can help if you need to. call your therapist, call your pdoc, call a friend. you don't have to go through this all alone.
you never can tell who is mentally ill just by looking. that's part of the stigma and the shame of mental illness, that it's "all in your head" and "you don't look sick". i think many of us have heard this, it's why we struggle so much every day.
channel energy constructively. send a nice note with memories of your friend to his wife. make a nice casserole and bring it over. give money to foundations that help raise awareness about suicide and help treat mental illness.
it's pervasive, isn't it? it touches all of us.
i am so sorry for your loss cass, and i deeply empathize with your struggle. take good care of yourself, and treat yourself with kindness over the next little while.
ps - i did find it very helpful to read more about suicide and the causes of suicide after my friend disappeared. my other dear friend did not find that kind of thing helpful. i leave it up to you.
poster:octopusprime
thread:374120
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040802/msgs/374138.html