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Re: This Is Me ***TRIGGER*** » SandyWeb

Posted by partlycloudy on July 15, 2004, at 21:21:53

In reply to This Is Me ***TRIGGER***, posted by SandyWeb on July 15, 2004, at 20:11:04

Sandy, you are a wonderous person to have shared this incredible pain with us. I hope you believe me when I tell you that the past is not where you belong now. The past is to be severed; not through your wrist but from your conscience, This past has brought you to where you are today; but you are not beholden to it. Do don't have to suffer those injuries every time you think of them.. Release those memories; thank them for whatever they were able to teach you. Look to your present life. You have Carly. You have an incredibly supportive family. You have had emergency treatment and a plan put into place to help you heal.

Your life should not be a memorial to your past. Your life is all about who and where you are today. In a supportive environment. getting help from all those people who care. My therapist had me cut the cords that bound me to my painful past. Not literally, I hasten to add. We likened them to cords coming from my middle; I imagine like umbilical cords would be. They tethered me to the memories and pain I felt, tugging at me every single day. A home lost. A country lost. A lawsuit lost. A future given up before it could be realized. A family lost, after I divorced him.

So I cut those cords from myself. With a pair of golden scissors. Bathed afterwads in soothing, healing water.

Then I pictured my life today. A home to live in. A family who loves me. A future, however fragile, that was not dependent on him. I sent tendrils to those pictures. Not cords yet; they are too new and untrustworthy yet; but they will be nutured and cared for as I learn confidence. Skill. Self reliance. Not a rejection of my past, but an acknowledgement, gratitude for what I learned, and relegation to my own personal archives. They are no longer part of my Living History. They are behind me, powerless, having exerted their power and now depleted. I can go beyond these painful memories to my present, full of hope. As yours is. There is an entire team waiting for you in just a few weeks, ready to teach you the skills you need to go ahead.
The spectre of the police was not expected, and it's understandable that you are as upset as you sound. Remember, though; for all their banging, yelling, questioning, yammering; they saved your life so that you could live another day. You have hope for your future. Your family needs you; but more than that; it's not your time to die. you are to live a life full of experiences, both painful and glorious; you have Carly to raise and to imprint yourself upon; you have helped so many people so far in your life - it really is time to let them return that gift.

 

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