Posted by Corafree on July 9, 2004, at 12:49:50
In reply to the memorial, posted by Cass on December 1, 2001, at 19:42:30
It has been a long time since anyone has posted on this issue. I have everything pretty much ready. I've written a will, but don't have it signed yet. It is odd how calm I feel now that the decision has been made. I just don't know when to do it yet. I have reached out for help and have no one reaching back. I have a borderline personality disorder, I guess from post traumatic stress syndrome. I am doing pretty good on Effexor-XR. I noticed there was some mention of Neurontin. You see, I have chronic pain from domestic violence. I have three of the discs just below my head extruded. My psych is taking me off (never been off in 15 years) benzos, and my PCP is flirting with taking away my pain medicine. Without it I will be all but bedridden. I have three wonderful children whom I want to no longer burden. I want to leave them what little I have and no debt! I cannot have surgery, well unless I paid for it. Can't do that because I'm on SS Disability. And, if it didn't work, no doctor would really want to help me because it was elective. Trigger point and epidurals do not work. Suddenly, my doctors are focusing on 'addiction' and not me. I am 52y/o and have had many wonderful times and some terrible times. I am all alone here. Well, alone for about 8 years. My neighbors have seen me taken out on a stretcher before and are no longer friendly. I cannot work. I have no love in my life. I lost my 'rock', my father, five months ago. We were very close and the rest of my family of five seem to have dumped me and my problems. It's like the CATs away and the mice are playing. I'm giving up this fight, that's probably why I'm so calm.