Posted by AuntieMel on June 4, 2004, at 10:52:05
In reply to Re: Complete meltdown on vacation justyourlaugh, posted by TexasChic on June 3, 2004, at 10:55:07
Are you sure you're not me?
I know exactly what you are talking about. Hopefully you'll get rid of it at an earlier age than I did (still am.)
I had exactly the same childhood. No visible signs of abuse, beltings aside, but a constant barrage of little things that made all of us feel like we'd never be good enough.
Sometimes I would talk about "dad things" to one or two of the very few people I could really talk to. But relating them one at a time over a long period of time kept me thinking that it wasn't so bad and I was just over-reacting. Another confidence blower.
And the trust issues! I was seeing my therapist for over a year before we got into anything personal. It wasn't his fault, I just needed to feel comfortable first.
Recently we started going over the "dad things." I spent easily 6 or 7 sessions just giving example after example of things that happened, not going into any detail on any of them. Just listing. Not repeating. Just listing. And (light goes off) came to realize that this really was abuse, it's not me, he really was a d**k.
Someone once told me a way to let things go. If my dad wasn't buried in another state, I'd do it. What you do is spend a good long time writing a letter to your dad telling of all the times where you were done wrong and how they made you feel. Take that letter to his grave and read it to him. When you are done with that, then tear the letter up into tiny pieces, put it on the grave and burn it. Sounds like it could work.
Good luck.
And call me Mel. Both my friends do.
Mel
poster:AuntieMel
thread:353040
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040602/msgs/353724.html