Posted by karen_kay on May 28, 2004, at 16:32:02
5am
- mr bean awakes early to find the perfect outfit for therapy with miss honey. he wants to be certain he looks good with his calculator watch and even reverts back to the dock siders (is that what they were called?) to impress her, but doesn't want to appear as if he tries too hard. after trying the yellow short-sleeved shirt, v-neck t-shirt (with the shirt sleeves hanging out through the dress shirt sleeves), pink and red striped tie, and olive green pants, he looks in the mirror and his face lights up. "Ahhhhh! Perfect, just perfect!" he gloats and grunts, spinning in the mirror and bending over to check out his arse.his mind drifts away to his stairs, just off the waiting room. he thinks of the lovely auburn beauty bouncing up the stairs and quickly shakes his head as he realizes instead that breakfast is waiting. he quickly moves to the kitchen and wolfes down a bowl of cereal (cocoa puffs). he then fixes a left over pork chop from dinner last night and eats it with his fingers, never stopping to chew or sit. halfway through the pork chop, he chokes and uses the island in his kitchen to perform the hiemlich maneuver. the large piece of pork chop lands in the living room and he runs to pick it up and pops it back in his mouth, never missing a beat. "that was a close call," he says. "almost let that go to waste." grabbing his sweater vest and not bothering to brush his teeth or hair, he's off to work in his renault.
Part II
before getting in his car, bean removes the brick from behind his front wheels that keeps the car from moving. while the car slides out of the driveway, bean opens the door and starts the engine. on the third attempt, the car purrs (or sputters). he checks his calculator watch and realizes he's late for his appointment with miss honey, his favorite and sexiest client! OH DEAR! he musn't keep her waiting! and his car will only go 20. what ever will he do? he notices the car stopped at the light in front of him looks super fast, so he pulls out his jumper cables, slides his car in neutral, ties the cables to the fast car's back bumper and his front bumper and *grins*! now, he only has to hope for all green lights and it's smooth sailing from here. he's concentrating on steering the whole way (a 20 minute drive), he's almost there, and suddenly!!!!! a T-Rex jumps out in the middle of the road! dam# the luck. a dinosaur, just when he's going to see his sexiest client. the t-rex chews the jumper cables loose, destroying the car in front of him (don't worry, the person driving in ok). sirens are going off and all bean can think of is miss honey. his car starts, he somehow drives the car off the road and hides from the t-rex (because everyone knows dinosaurs can't see objects that don't move fast, right?) and he hides until the dinosaur finds someone else to chase (bubba perhaps? :). now he's stuck 5 miles from miss honey and he only has 2 minutes before the appointment begins. what can he do?
Part IIIhe takes 20 seconds to pull a chunk of pork chop out of his teeth. he takes another 40 seconds to play with his calculator watch. he then comes up with a plan. he forgot about the red bull he had stowed away in his trunk for emergencies. he pops his trunk, gulps the red bull, grows wings, and flies to his office, just in the knick of time. he barely broke a sweat! miss honey leads him up the stairs, the moment he's been waiting for all morning and bean's a very happy man. as miss honey begins with 'you wouldn't believe the morning i had' bean looks out the window, sees the t-rex, closes the shades, and says, 'please tell me dear.'
THE END
poster:karen_kay
thread:351616
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040525/msgs/351616.html