Posted by Racer on May 12, 2004, at 9:38:58
In reply to Re: Sorry, I can't relate at all... » Racer, posted by Emme on May 11, 2004, at 21:23:56
Honestly -- your description of your mother sounds so much like mine! Could it be that we are both alternates for a split personality?
Seriously, I went through the blame the parents thing and figured out that no matter who installed the buttons, it was up to me what I wanted on my dashboard. We don't come into thisworld out of a vacuum, so there will be detritus from those around us.
My Anthro Prof used to tell stories about how every town meeting in every town hall in every village in Hungary would invariably start with someone standing up to say,
"In order fully to comprehend all the implications of putting a stop sign at the corner by the church, one must go back to the time of Istvan..."
To the end of the first millenium. Our parents taught us things that shaped us, not necessarily in the best possible way, and not necessarily in the way they would have wanted. THeir parents did the same to them. When there's a perfect parent, well, something new will come into the world. Are you able to get along with your mother, or does this cause conflicts in your current relationship wiht her? If there's still conflict, that's what I'd worry about. If there's no longer conflict -- except over you feeling unsupported -- then maybe there's not so much to worry about.
By the way, my mother says those fat things around me, I think, in hopes of finding a way to bring up my weight. She's not trying to hurt me -- I know that to my bones -- but she doesn't know what to do, or how to say it, and she's so afraid that she bumbles around with weird things like "look how fat those people are, and I'm not fat because fat is bad and -- um -- is that all you're going to eat?" She's frightened, she doesn't think she can bear to hear what she might hear if she says anything aloud. Poor Mom, she has twisted herself more than she's twisted me.
Dunno if anything there helps...