Posted by TexasChic on May 12, 2004, at 8:48:58
In reply to Re: I don't like a lot of people -- Help., posted by TexasChic on May 11, 2004, at 16:36:50
I was thinking about this on the drive home yesterday, and I realized I should have told you about something my therapist taught me about standing up to people without offending them. The way it works is first you have to realize that this is your problem and not theirs. They're not bothered by hanging around you desk ect, you are. So you start off with saying, "I have a problem." Then you would say something like, "I have alot of work to do right now, and I have this problem with being easily distracted." (You could throw in how your boss got onto you for that assignment being late too). Then you say, "It would really help me out if we only chat on designated break times away from my desk, then I wouldn't be tempted to goof off." Or something like that. I tried this and it blew me away how well it worked. It felt kind of manipulative at first, but then I realized as long as you tell the truth, all you're doing is rephrasing a request.
Now I really have a problem with people who make up excuses rather than tell me the truth. So to me the truthfulness part is important. But as long as you realize its your problem, and phrase it in a way that is a request for them to help you out, it works really really well. There's no hurt feelings and they actually feel good about helping you out.
Of course there are those people out there who intentionally try to manipulate you, and if they won't cooperate you usually just have to say it flat out. But at that point you have every right to just tell them exactly what the problem is. If they really want to be your friend, they will cooperate.
Anyway, I hope this helps. I really don't know what to do about the forced socializing thing because I'm in the same boat. But I just *try* to never be fake. I smile at the people I like, and I just walk by the people I don't as if I have something important on my mind. And if someone's trying to chat with me I just give short and vague responses until they realize I'm trying to work.
poster:TexasChic
thread:345786
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040507/msgs/346075.html