Posted by SandyWeb on April 16, 2004, at 7:58:49
In reply to Sandy, posted by jlynne on April 15, 2004, at 22:29:00
Long time, no hear. What would we ever do without computers?? Lol!
I was going through some of my paperwork yesterday and today, and I stumbled across an 8-page suicide letter from a friend of mine. He wrote it to me back in March of 1996. I had known him since Primary, and I got back in touch with him after the kids and I left hubby.....just for friendship's sake.
So much of what he wrote makes sense to me now. He expresses thoughts and feelings that I have now. He freaked me out back then, but now I understand just what he was saying. Suicide is so universal, isn't it? And he says that I was his angel.....that just when he thought he couldn't trudge through another day, this person comes back into his life from his childhood. He says he thought I was an answer from God when he picked up the phone and it was me on the line.
Well, I was too messed up from hubby to be of much use to ANYONE at that point. I wish I could have been more of a support for him.
I can't read the rest of the letter. I tend to let everyone down.
I had a "plan" last night, after my walk in the nasty fog and drizzle. At least it gave me a little bit more time for this world. But after getting home and getting into bed, I realized that all I'm trying to do is buy some time and that nothing is going to change.....so why buy the time in the first place? I just want to S-C-R-E-A-M!
I have money coming in on Tuesday. I'm very tempted to just take it all, go to a very nice hotel, treat myself with a wonderful meal and a relaxing soak in a gorgeous tub, and then not coming back. And if I do come back....well, I would have just spent all my bill money.....so I wouldn't be able to take care of my responsibilities.....so another reason not to come back. (Hey, and I didn't know that a rental lease could be broken via a doctor's letter! That's good news for any decision).
Good luck with your computer. My system is just a modge-podge of parts that my sister put together for me. Hey, but it's a Pentium! Lol! You'd never know it by looking at the casing, though! Ha!!
And as the maracas keep shaking in my head (argh!!!!!), I wish you all the best!!!!