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Re: Sandy » jlynne

Posted by SandyWeb on April 1, 2004, at 16:36:37

In reply to Re: Sandy » SandyWeb, posted by jlynne on April 1, 2004, at 10:22:06

Hi jlynne,

I actually phoned the Helpline this morning, before I even received your email. We must be sisters! Lol.

Well, the Helpline was a dud. The girl appeared to only be about 17-years old, and even though she kept trying to keep me on the phone, I finally just had to tell her that I was hanging up. We really weren't getting anywhere, and I don't think she got it. Oh well, never hurts to try.

I also did something else today. I walked over to the ER. I was almost hyper-ventilating as I was getting closer, but then when I got to the doors....I couldn't go in. I sat outside for an hour, and then realized that there was absolutely no way I was going to get myself through those doors...let alone tell anyone that I'm suicidal. I then walked over to a park and sat in the sun for awhile, feeling like bawling.

So I did try today, I really did. But I can't do this by myself. It's just not going to happen. I felt like whatever hope there MAY have been was just extinguished now. I can't get myself any help. And even if I could, what does it really matter. It doesn't change one thing about my future.

Well, some people just don't make it. Trigger, trigger. I can't live anymore.

It is the most ridiculous thing. I fought all of my adult life to come to this?

I don't think I even have to wait until the 6th now. In fact, the girl at the Helpline even said that wouldn't be a good birthday present for my kids.

I am so sick of this whole thing. I really don't want to post here anymore. But my life doesn't consist of much more than being on the computer now. But I don't want to talk about myself anymore. I'm fed up with me.

And, no....I'm not drinking a lot of fluids either. I just don't have much of an appetite. But a chocolate milk does sound good. Must be the choco-holic in me! Lol!

Hugs,

Sandy


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