Posted by Ilene on March 21, 2004, at 21:00:03
In reply to Dear diary March 20, posted by Ilene on March 20, 2004, at 20:44:01
What a terrible day. Got into a fight with my husband, mostly over my "resistance" to therapy. I've made no secret of my qualms about CBT and my disdain for what passed for therapy in the hospital. He thinks I should just do what everyone else thinks is good for me. He says I'm too smart for my own good. (My pdoc says the same thing.) He gets very frustrated over my inablilty to pull myself out of my moods, and then he gets mad at me. He has a bad temper anyway.
I've even told him that DBT addressed the misgivings I have about CBT, but that didn't seem to make a difference.
He apologized once he got over his tantrum, but once I get upset I can't get un-upset, so I had a fairly dismal day. I also don't feel myself. I've gained so much weight that all my clothes are tight, I feel even more sluggish than usual, and I'm cold all the time. I just want to go to bed under a pile of blankets.
We managed to drag some old furniture and other junk out to the curb for a local charity to pick up. My daughter is here, but she spent most of the day with her boyfriend (it's about time she got one--she's 17). She did sit down with me and her cat--I made her brush the cat--and we talked about San Francisco and what we were going to do tomorrow (get rid of her excess books and clothes). Maybe we'll get haircuts. We can't afford to do anything that costs much money.