Posted by Racer on March 7, 2004, at 13:29:44
In reply to Re: frustrated trying to help strangers (strategies?), posted by tabitha on March 7, 2004, at 13:06:57
> For instance, I met a guy in a support group (not mental health related) who talked at length about his depression. His dress, expression, and body language just screamed depression. It was almost painful to look at. I almost wanted to leave the room when he shared, because he talked a lot out of that depressed distorted place, and had no awareness that it was the depression talking. He said he 'couldn't take meds' because he was chemically sensitive. I thought, OK, this is just a simple matter of education.
OH, you have no idea how funny that struck me. I really am weak with laughter over a boyfriend I had in college -- he "couldn't take anti-biotics, they just had no power to work in him anymore." I tried to explain that anti-biotics didn't work on the human body, but killed off bacteria which were infecting the human body. Seemed like a simple enough concept to me...
We broke up when he brought home a little bacterial infection and wouldn't get treated for it -- since, after all, anti-biotics didn't work for him. I figured, either take the damn drugs, or wear a condom next time you cheat on me. Then I figured, he really wasn't worth the effort...
Anyway, I can certainly understand your frustration, especially since this guy's dating your friend. I set up two of my best friends a few years back, and they got involved. Then, my male friend started telling me about what was going on with her. She had abruptly dropped me, totally, because of my depression. She dropped me without warning: called on Thursday to say that she was going out of town and her dog sitter just cancelled at the last minute, would I take care of her dog while she was gone? I changed my plans to do so, and did so, and she never called me again, never returned my calls. Well, male buddy said her depression was cyclical, and seasonal. She had never kept a romantic relationship over the winter, because she'd get too depressed and break up. Pattern going back years, and she was totally unwilling to change it. She told him, when he mentioned medications, that "The depression is part of who I am. I recognize the pattern, and it's part of who I am, so I refuse to change it." Here she had a romantic partner who was not only understanding of her and loved her enough to try to maintain their relationship in the face of adversity, but also caring and understanding enough to try to help her for her own sake. Before that winter ended, she'd dropped him, totally, too. Just frustrating as all get out -- especially since he's one of the best men in the universe, and I really think he deserved better treatment from anyone, let alone someone who said she loved him. (Yes, he and I are still friends. We have been for many years, and he and my husband get along great, so he's one of our favorite guests and favorite now-mutual friends.)
Anyway, thanks for the chance to laugh at my youthful mistakes, I needed it today.
poster:Racer
thread:321503
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040305/msgs/321645.html