Posted by kara lynne on December 29, 2003, at 22:21:11
In reply to If it helps... » kara lynne, posted by Racer on December 29, 2003, at 18:50:53
It helps.
You described it perfectly, and named my worst fear in one fell post. I think he's committed to making sure I feel bad--like you say, addicted to cruelty. Even though he manages to justify himself all over the place as just one heckuva good guy.A couple of boyfriends back the same thing happened to me; we went through years of torture together, split up, and he was married a year later with two kids to follow. He actually called me one day years later and said he 'learned all over me'---it was sort of an apology and a thank you. He might just as well have said he s**t all over me, because that's what it felt like. What did he expect me to say: "Oh, so happy to oblige you! The merry martyr of love here, at your sacrificial service...next in line?"
If that happens this time Racer, there isn't enough justice on the planet to justify my living on it. I'm told to look for 'justice' in other areas, because I won't find it in this one. That's a tall order.
So we split up and lo and behold--he's seen the error of his ways and is a veritable prince charming, one that I have ignominously spurned. The doubts do surface, but what am I supposed to do with them? I did what I had to do at the time. He treated me cruelly. If he's changed so much wouldn't it be important for him to acknowledge that? It seems more important for him to clear his name, or as you put it so well, raise his personal stock--at my expense. Nothing's changed. More useless words, but just enough poison to make me sick.
I hope you're doing well Racer, after what you've been through. Let me know if it gets better.
Thank you.
poster:kara lynne
thread:294220
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031229/msgs/294520.html