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The Last of My Amends....

Posted by galkeepinon on October 7, 2003, at 3:36:54

*jay*>>>I am very sorry that I brought my crap over to your board. I know you were having a hard time after a while establishing your board and I didn't help one bit! You are a good guy and it's my loss.

*st. james*>>> I am sorry that you were affected by my actions, I was going through a very difficult time, and am working on getting better.

*ayuda*>>>I am so sorry for leaving what I did on your Messenger, you really tried to help me and understand where I was coming from. I wish I could go back and change what I said to you, but I can't. I thought you were ignoring me when I typed, and I assumed that you were playing games with me, which wasn't the case? You said you were 'away' I should have given you the benefit of the doubt. I'm very sorry.

*Dragonslayer*>>>I am very sorry if you were affected by my actions. You were a big help in supporting me, and you didn't deserve to be affected by my thoughtless words and actions.

*zeliva*>>>even though you called me a 'B****', and yes, I called you some ugly names, I'm sorry for my part and the words I said that were mean to you. I didn't appreciate you conversing with my friend online behind my back. Maybe you were trying to help, but after I found out what you said, it made me want to fight back with you more, I eventually stopped~you know that. I'm sorry for my part concerning you.

and most of all...SBOTRAN(sp)>>>she was the most caring, supportive person I corresponded with through email and showed such concern when I talked about suicide. She and I emailed each other almost everyday and I know she clearly was affected and I won't ever forget how this affected her. I was wrong, and mean, and I didn't take her feelings of concern into account~just what I was feeling and for that I am truly very sorry.

****These were the people that I know now, (just finding out tonight through an email from 'ZenHussy') (which I am replying to affter this post)who were affected by my actions of feeling hopeless, suicidal, and angry. If there is anyone I forgot, bring it to my attention.

One last thing, I am not expecting anyone to forgive me despite what anyone I affected thinks, I am here to make amends and continue posting, as I have. I know what I did was wrong and I'm fixing it from my end. It is others' choices whether they want to forgive me, I can only make amends. If I could go back and change my actions, I would, but I cannot. This is a 'mental health' board, I come here for the same reason pretty much everyone else does to interact, offer experience, get support, and learn. It seems lately that I haven't asked for any support and I won't anymore if that makes everyone feel better. Honestly!
And before I get any responses about me manipulating, or blaming, that is not what I am doing at all here!!!
I have owned up to my actions and am making amends to the best of my ability. I'm sorry to those of you who were affected find that unacceptable, I cannot change what you think or how you respond to me, it is a choice only you make. I've made my choices and I'm following through and I have a right who I want to respond to now after all this is said and done.
I am a human being, human beings make mistakes, and I will not allow the people I hurt and who weren't even involved to accuse me of making excuses. I am apologizing, making amends, that's all I can do on my part. Yes, what I did was hurtful to some, some are angry, and some are harrassing me, it's the risk I took, because I'd rather be honest, make amends and mean them, be sincere, and learn from my mistakes, than to leave hurt with people I have met online and affected the ones that were truly affected badly. The hurt was done, I cannot go back, I am now moving forward.


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poster:galkeepinon thread:266221
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031002/msgs/266221.html