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Re: How R U Managing Depression? » Temmie

Posted by fallsfall on August 31, 2003, at 9:26:45

In reply to How R U Managing Depression? » fallsfall, posted by Temmie on August 30, 2003, at 22:33:02

Hey Temmie,

My depression comes from a combination of emotional neglect (emotionally clueless mother, workaholic father), and a massive overload of responsibility (work and home). The marriage fell apart when it became clear that my husband wouldn't take any of the responsibility for our family life. My kids are: daughter, 20, junior in college - wants to teach deaf kids. son, 18, has been at Basic Training for the Army for 5 days - satellite communication. daughter, 15, Oh, so 15! 10th grade - wants to be a chef. They are wonderful. I have been out of work on disability for 19 months (I am a software engineer).

How do I manage my depression? Not very well. I take lots of drugs. My therapist doesn't like this and I will start trying to reduce the drugs starting this morning (very slowly).

I saw my first therapist for 8 1/2 years. I was incredibly and excessively dependent on her (I want someone to take care of me like my mother didn't). She let me down in the end and I started with my current therapist 2 months ago. He is very different than she was. My dependency (even though I was hurt and angry at her) was so deep that I transferred a significant part to him. Is he worthy of this adoration? I don't know. He's come up with some really good ideas, he has been able to meet my needs when required, he has pushed the right buttons to get issues brought into our relationship. But I think the reason I am so hesitant to lose him is that I NEED to have someone (for the dependency stuff), and right now, he's all that I have. I can't be alone. I am panicking because my fallback therapist (an old group therapist of mine) is also not on this new insurance - though she charges 2/3 his fee and I would have more of a chance of paying that out of pocket. So my panic is because I can't live this life by myself.

Ice cream helps, but it isn't a mother substitute.

So that's my story. The moral of the story? Choose your therapists carefully, and then know when it is time to leave. --Gee, the most important thing I can say about my life is about therapy...

 

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