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Re: Horse hockey!!! Agreed! - Gabbi and Kar (long)

Posted by Penny on August 28, 2003, at 15:23:28

In reply to Re: Horse hockey!!! Agreed! Kar, posted by gabbix2 on August 28, 2003, at 14:13:18

Thanks so much!

I finally responded to a follow-up email to her this morning, where she asked: Might I ask what led you to want to move out in December?? Just be honest and tell me. And seeing your financial situation, if we need to talk about us both staying to make it easier, just be honest and let me know. I surely would think about it and consider it.

My response: I just sense a lot of tension between us and I think it would be better if we were living separately. As I've told you, if
living apart is what we need to do to keep our friendship in tact, then we need to live apart.

[I then proceeded to tell her that my only financial concern was the actual moving and making it through December, not post-move.]

Her response to that (edited somewhat for space!!!): I really don't know how to respond to this... it has totally taken me off guard. I don't know why you feel there is tension between us, but if you feel that way, then you feel that way. You have a lot of issues going on and I just work all the time, but even when I am home, we don't do anything. Are you unhappy with yourself and its easier to just displace it as tension between us?? You haven't been to talkative towards me, and I have tried to give you your space. I don't know what to do anymore for anything. I thought you were doing better, but apparently there are some things going on between you and I that I am not aware of. I can't address things if you aren't honest and open with me about them. I am sorry for all that is going on and whatever I have done to make you feel this way. I don't want you to move to salvage the friendship. I think I am mature enough to deal with whatever and make it through - I guess we need to just talk more about it and work it out or whatever. However, if you feel that there is tension and that there is a possibility that the friendship is in danger by living together, perhaps I just need to move out asap. I don't know where I am going, or what I am going to do just yet. But I am sure I will think of something. I would like to stay put for another year with all the hassel and rigamaroo of moving - I just have no energy to deal with it right now and I doubt I would the next few months. ... It seems you have your move and plans all worked out. I wish you the best wherever and just hope everything is as stressfree as possible - for both of us.

Maybe our friendship is ending and neither of us want to admit it...

Anyway, I have had an upsetting/tearful morning and I guess I need to get somethings done since I am out for about a week.


I responded to her by saying that I did tell her how I felt about us continuing to live together and the tension between us on Friday night, I asked her where exactly she read that I said our friendship was ending, I told her that I AM being honest with her, that I don't have all my moving plans made, that I keep saying December for the move, but she keeps saying "sooner rather than later," etc. etc. I kept it all very factual.

But I did say that if she is so sure our friendship is ending, perhaps there are things she's not telling ME.

Then she wrote back saying she didn't appreciate my yelling at her (the ME was the only word I used in all caps in the entire email).

Can we say OVERREACTING (excuse me, I'm yelling again...)????

Thankfully she's going away for the Labor Day holiday and won't be back until Tuesday. So I have a little bit of a break.

One of my coworkers said I should ask the apartment office if there is a way I can move into a smaller (1 bedroom) apartment that would be less expensive at least until the lease is up, so I wouldn't have to break my lease. I don't know if that's something they can do for me, but I guess it doesn't hurt to ask.

And next time, not that there will be one, I will make sure that *regardless* of who I'm living with, I have a notarized contract with them over rent and utilities payments, so there will be legal recourse in case they back out on me.

Like I said, though, not that there will be a next time...

I'm leaving soon for therapy, and my therapist is going to kindly remind me that I said I wouldn't get into these email arguments with my roommate anymore. And I'm going to say "I know," which is why I TRIED to keep my answers to her concise. And which is why I told her that *this* is why I don't like responding to her emails to me about things like this. But at least it's all in writing, in case she tries to change my words later on...

Sorry this is so long! I really appreciate your letting me know that I'm not totally off-base with all of this.

I just can't wait to move...

P


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