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Re: Horse hockey!!! Kar

Posted by Penny on August 27, 2003, at 12:41:06

In reply to Horse hockey!!! Penny, posted by Kar on August 27, 2003, at 11:59:16

Kar,

You have so totally summed up exactly how I felt after reading that message. I am infuriated. I am so tired of being the one to blame. I am so tired of her not taking responsibility for any of this.

We've been friends for 9 years, since freshman year of college. And I should have known it wouldn't be a good idea for us to live together. When I was in college, my best friend and I would keep things from my current roommate because we knew she would want to be a part of everything and we didn't want her to be. We even kept from her that we were taking a spring break trip to Florida, because we knew she would want to go with us.

I am just so angry that she would talk to me in such a condescending tone. Just like Friday night - I told my therapist last night that I felt like she was chastising me. It seems impossible to have an adult relationship with her - everything resorts to drama. She complains about all the drama in her life. Drama with her other friends. Drama with her romantic relationships, etc. I have drama with my family, but it's not nearly this bad, because I have been able to put up boundaries. But she is the main person in my life who creates an obscene amount of drama. I'm tired of heartache. I'm tired of feeling guilty around her and hurt and even scared of her leaving me with the $1000/month rent she said she'd help me pay. That's the big one - the finances - and the only reason that I even attempt to make this work anymore. She knows I can't pay $1000/month on what I make, and she uses that against me. It makes me dependent on her.

In October I get a bonus check that state employees are getting instead of a raise this year. She said that the fee for breaking our lease early (excuse me, MY lease early) is 30 days notice and 1 month's rent. Perhaps I will take her up on her offer and get out of there sooner rather than later. I can't really afford to pay that 1 month's rent, as I would prefer to use that money for the deposit on my new place, and I'm not even sure where I would go at this point, but I really and truly don't know how much more of this I can take. I need to feel at peace when I go home at night, and not worried about how she's going to react to me over something I might've said or done.

Why am I afraid of her getting angry with me?

Why do I feel like such a child in this relationship?

I really can't take it anymore.

P


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poster:Penny thread:254661
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