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What do (healthy) men look for in a woman?

Posted by Susan J on August 21, 2003, at 10:57:06

Such a self-serving post, I know. I apologize. Here I am. 36. Never married. Last time a guy was "stupid" in love with me was about 12 years ago. Last relationship was about 2 years ago. That was OK, almost healthy, except for that overhanging "Susan I love you but I'm not 'in' love with you" crap.

Just got my haircut yesterday and my stylist asked me if I was seeing anyone. Told her no. I meet a few guys here and there, they seem nice, and then I find out either they're just not right for me (that's OK) or they are absolute jerks (not OK).

Stylist was surprised, because she said I was "so beautiful." That's my achilles heel by the way. I'm overweight and therefore think I'm ugly. Don't think any man would be attracted to me. Now I know that attitude sends out the wrong vibes, but I've been making a really big effort to seem confident, fun, nice, warm, open, etc. Not catching anything. :-)

Sooooo, what exactly would make a man attracted to me? Blonde, slightly overweight, book geek with decent sense of humor, very kind. I shower every day and brush/floss. :-) I dress well, have a great job, a dog, a car, and a good grasp of reality most of the time.....

What am I doing wrong? The guys I get end up being even more wacked out than me. Last guy just "knew" I was too good for him so he had to leave me before I left him and hurt him. Obviously, his self-esteem was in the toilet. How do I avoid those?

I'm not asking for marriage, here. I'm asking -- how do I get an emotionally healthy guy to at least ask me out? What do men want?

Oh, and then let's just say I meet a healthy do I/when do I break the news to him that I struggle with depression constantly? It's not disabling now, I'm actually doing pretty well. But it's always just around the corner....




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