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Starting fresh

Posted by Penny on August 18, 2003, at 9:47:20

Well, after meeting with my pdoc on Friday, we've jointly decided to try weaning me off the meds and starting fresh. I told him that at this point, I don't even remember what the core issues are in the first place. I don't remember exactly how I got started on this long long road to many medications, years of therapy, etc. I mean, I remember being depressed, but I wasn't suicidal, when my internist put me on Celexa, and then she later switched me to Effexor, and then I saw my first pdoc, and so on. But at this point, I don't know if my problems are truly MY problems, or if they are problems caused by the medications.

Having sleep trouble again and still haven't heard about my sleep study. Left work early on Friday because I was feeling dizzy and nauseated and my head was hurting, and I have SOOOO much to do this week, yet here I sit posting on Babble.

Feeling kinda sad about the fact that school is starting - I always get a little misty-eyed at the beginning of the school year, thinking back fondly on my years of school (well, fondly about most of them anyway...), remembering shopping for school supplies, seeing my friends, etc. Especially fondly about my college days - moving back to Chapel Hill, seeing my best friend, our having so much fun the first few weeks, before we really got into the grind of classes. It was just very enjoyable and I always used to get butterflies in my stomach when I drove back into Chapel Hill. Guess what? I STILL have butterflies in my stomach at the beginning of the school year, even though I'm not in school. Not even taking any classes this fall. And I wish so much that I was!!!

Boy - to do college all over again. I really miss it. And it makes it hard being here and seeing the students come back, especially the freshman with all the excitement they're experiencing. I really really miss it. I can't wait until I go back to school full-time, though it will only be ever so briefly.

I have pretty much written off the nursing career. I was talking to my pdoc on Friday about my experience in the hospital and about my impression of the nurses, some of whom were fantastic and others who left much to be desired. Almost all of them had chosen nursing as a second career. And some, IMO, should have stuck with their first career!!! But, what I saw that was the most disappointing was the actual amount of patient contact they had - they spent much of their time doing paperwork. If I wanted to spend most of my time doing paperwork, I'd stay right where I am. :(

But the therapist thing is still sticking in my head, and I'm looking forward to going to the social work school info session next month. Need to go ahead and sign up for the GRE, which I will need regardless of the path I choose, and then make some sort of decision.

The other thing I've been trying to ignore but which truly bothers me about nursing is that I would most likely have to work under someone the rest of my life. I wouldn't be able to be my own boss, and I have always wanted to be at some point. That was one of the things that appealed to me about being a physician. I would be able to have my own practice one day. But as a clinical social worker, I could have my own practice one day - my former therapist did - and that would be so rewarding. Not to mention that I do truly enjoy listening to others talk about their lives. ;) And I would have PLENTY of people contact, and, yes, there would still be paperwork...

Too bad you can't really shadow a therapist...





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