Posted by noa on July 21, 2003, at 17:12:07
In reply to I feel like I dont know who I am anymore..., posted by syringachalet on July 21, 2003, at 11:03:05
Syringechalet--hello. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.
I don't think any boss should touch at all. It is rather a boundary violation. He may not realize it, but I think you wouldn't be alone in feeling uncomfortable with being touched.
It is also, I think, a power thing. Superiors feel the power to touch subordinates but not the other way around. Touching a subordinate is a way of demonstrating power, even if it is not conscious. It does not belong in the workplace!
I know this because I recently used touch to convey a patronizing attitude toward my boss when she was wigging out, all anxious, and micromanaging me in the most annoying, anxious way. I impulsively patted her arm and said, Don't worry, I'm on the case--in a very patronizing tone. I knew I was using the pat on the arm as a power play. She and I had been in power struggles for a while and it made me feel good to get the upper hand, so to speak, at least for a moment.
My touch move was clearly so out of place as a power play because as I said, touch really shouldn't be used in the workplace except when two colleagues have a close friendship and special circumstances call for touch as appropriate (comforting someone whose had a loss, etc.).
This is just my opinion, of course.
But I wanted you to know it isn't just you who would find the touching thing uncomfortable. I, for one, would find it intrusive.
poster:noa
thread:243878
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030719/msgs/244016.html