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Re: I feel like I dont know who I am anymore...

Posted by noa on July 21, 2003, at 17:12:07

In reply to I feel like I dont know who I am anymore..., posted by syringachalet on July 21, 2003, at 11:03:05

Syringechalet--hello. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.

I don't think any boss should touch at all. It is rather a boundary violation. He may not realize it, but I think you wouldn't be alone in feeling uncomfortable with being touched.

It is also, I think, a power thing. Superiors feel the power to touch subordinates but not the other way around. Touching a subordinate is a way of demonstrating power, even if it is not conscious. It does not belong in the workplace!

I know this because I recently used touch to convey a patronizing attitude toward my boss when she was wigging out, all anxious, and micromanaging me in the most annoying, anxious way. I impulsively patted her arm and said, Don't worry, I'm on the case--in a very patronizing tone. I knew I was using the pat on the arm as a power play. She and I had been in power struggles for a while and it made me feel good to get the upper hand, so to speak, at least for a moment.

My touch move was clearly so out of place as a power play because as I said, touch really shouldn't be used in the workplace except when two colleagues have a close friendship and special circumstances call for touch as appropriate (comforting someone whose had a loss, etc.).

This is just my opinion, of course.

But I wanted you to know it isn't just you who would find the touching thing uncomfortable. I, for one, would find it intrusive.


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