Posted by ROO on July 17, 2003, at 8:55:23
In reply to To a very kind lurker..., posted by kara lynne on July 16, 2003, at 18:16:27
> ROO,
> Thank you so much for your post.
20 minutes before I read it, I was
asking my counselor if she could recommend
any books for when I'm in this obsessive state;
which seems to be permanent at the moment.
I will get the one you suggested on my way
home from work.
Oh cool! How fortuitous (sp?) ! I so hope you like that
book...it really is my bible...it keeps me on track and I
read it over and over...a bunch of pages are dog-earred...
>
> I would *love* a mantra to say in those moments.
Last night I was saying, "What is the highest
good for me right now", every five minutes.
That's a good one...You might even modify it to
"I am living my highest good right now" to make it
manifest...sometimes I'll do that...I'll take what
I want and act like it's already manifest...I'll say
"I am loving, I am joyful, I am healing"....There's a
part of me that feels a little Stuart Smalley about it,
but it really helps...to just chant something...to counteract
those negative voices with something positive.
Stupid I know, but just about anything will put
me over the edge right now.
Oh, I do the same thing. I'll read my ex's horoscope and
get all wigged out. Torture myself. Not real helpful stuff.
>I never got to be the kind of woman I wanted to
be around him; if only, if only, if only...
I'm left with the sickening image he will carry
with him about me for the rest of our lives.
It's not comforting.
I can so relate to the way you're handling this.
It's so complex. There's wounded pride...and there's
the projection again...really it's you that's stuck
with the sickening image...and you just have to practice
having compassion for yourself...treating yourself lovingly
and gently through this. As time goes by, you really won't
care about whatever image he has in his head of you (really!)...
because again...it's what's in YOUR head that matters. Have
compassion for that woman who suffered...who tried her best...
(just as you would for one of us)...if he carries around "some
sickening image"...that's his problem and his issues (just like
the repulsion)...it doesn't "mean" anything about you.>
> Touche'--your typical Alpha Male wouldn't be
impotent.And I wasn't saying that to be mean...just trying to get
you to see things more honestly. I've been with impotent
men and it sucks! You can't help but take it personally after
awhile...but it's really their own deep rooted issues. And it's
another thing you can remind yourself of--how lucky you are to
be free of an unsatisfying sex life! That's a MAJOR bummer in
a relationship...and now it's over! I really hope the next guy
you're with is one horny bastard who can't get enough of you.
(Excuse me, I can be a bit bawdy).>
> Well I've never been so grateful for a
lurker, ROO. Your post couldn't have come at
a better moment. You seem to understand
quite well, and I welcome anything you have to
say. (((ROO)))
Well it helped me too, so I certainly glad it helped you.
I can definitely relate to all your issues and it helped
me to see someone describe them so succinctly and with
such detail...that thing of getting all caught up in the
other person carrying "this sickening picture for the rest
of our lives"....I didn't know anyone else got caught up in
that....I can get caught up in that fruitless loop quite
a bit...and it's so distorted!Anyway--thank YOU and glad I could help. I think that
book will help a whole lot...
poster:ROO
thread:242114
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030713/msgs/242812.html