Posted by Emme on July 6, 2003, at 21:34:10
In reply to and I guess it's no small thing..., posted by kara lynne on July 6, 2003, at 14:45:56
Aw gee. You must be made of tough stuff to have survived. That's a pretty harsh environment you just described. What are you brothers like now - did they grow up and become better guys? Do you have much contact with them?
Between your ex and your father you have a lot of sh** being heaped upon you. Since your father is being unkind and unsupportive, is it possible for you to distance yourself from him and have minimal contact for a while?
Don't worry about rambling or having a point. Every now and then, stuff just needs to spill out... BTW, I can't recall if you mentioned what you are studying.
Emme
> ...that he was pretty demeaning to my mother in front of all the kids while we were growing up. It became a form of bonding to mother-bash. My mother, while not a wonderful mother, certainly was not helped by this.
>
> It's all so complicated because at a certain point he became guilty and I was then supposed to take care of my mother emotionally. Then I was punished for showing anger towards her--something that had been previously almost rewarded. I know he also resented his own mother like mad.
>
> Early on I heard him making sexually demoralzing comments about women with my brothers. I remember going out to breakfast once with him and my two brothers. My brothers were laughing about the fact that they had both slept with a roommate I'd had in the psychiatric hospital (I was hospitalized when I was 15 years old for depression--for nine months.) My father also seemed to be in on the joke. I said it wasn't funny, that this particular girl had told me stories of sleeping with a knife under her pillow in case her molesting stepfather should come in her room.
>
> So I got the message early about what women were good for. I know (although I'm not supposed to) that my father lost his virginity to a prostitute, although I'm told that wasn't unusual for the era.
>
> Oh Emme, I've really gone off here, haven't I? I don't really have any point, but it all seems to swim around in there somewhere.
>
> Thank you for letting me ramble on.
poster:Emme
thread:238884
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030704/msgs/239750.html