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That's the spirit » Penny

Posted by whiterabbit on June 30, 2003, at 12:04:00

In reply to Re: Surviving..., posted by Penny on June 30, 2003, at 8:06:39


I guess this is a sensitive subject with me - that accounts for my strong reaction. I've been trying to encourage Kaly as well to not let her roommate take such liberties. I can't relate to people like that - why they feel the need to criticize, complain and control others - people they're supposed to care about.

I endured this treatment for years. First from my mother, who was needy and greedy and selfish. She made me miserable with her constant demands and appreciated nothing. If I didn't immediately cooperate with each of her wishes, she would throw a fit like a spoiled child and accuse me of being a horrible daughter. Then the guilt trips would start - she would call all of our relatives, complain of my selfishness and neglect, and insist that each of these people call me and chastise my behavior. Usually they did just to shut her up, or they could expect the same treatment directed at them. She manipulated all of us and made everyone miserable.

Supposedly she is different now, I don't know for sure. After tolerating her crap for a number of tormented years, I had to put a stop to it for the sake of my sanity - I just couldn't take any more. I put a Caller ID on the phone and refused to answer when she called. I bought an answering machine to stop the barrage of phone calls and keep the phone from ringing 80 times - she would call and just let it ring and ring. I turned down the answering machine so I couldn't hear her hate-filled messages and erased them without listening.
Since she had a key to the house and was used to letting herself in whenever she pleased, I had the locks changed. She came over a few times, beat on the door and leaned on the bell, but finally she had to give up. By that time I despised her and my mental condition was deteriorating fast. I had done nothing to deserve
such awful treatment and had allowed her to roll right over me, causing much emotional damage. I had no resources to deal with her agressive, demanding personality; I was basically a quiet and gentle person. I had no choice but to shut her out of my life, and although she had forced me into this decision I still felt guilty. No matter - she was killing me. Her threats, her demands, her displeasure, her name-calling, her selfish and manipulative ways were destroying me, like beetles eating away at the heart of a tree.
So, enough.

Since then I've learned that it's not necessary to overcome this type of agressive behavior with a loud and bullying nature of your own. You simply do not accept this treatment, not from anyone. You walk away from it - literally if possible, emotionally if not. Of course the other person won't like it but well, tough s***. If they want to be a part of your life, they will learn to treat you with respect. Don't accept anything less.
-Gracie


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