Posted by WorryGirl on May 14, 2003, at 19:01:43
In reply to Re: Why? » WorryGirl, posted by leeran on May 14, 2003, at 18:43:51
> Hey there WorryGirl,
>
> The other day, after reading your post about your neighbor situation, I wrote a mega-post to you and then ended up saving it on my desktop because I thought it was just too darned long.
>
> Maybe I will post it . . . it was a doozy (because I felt bad about your situation and it reminded me of situations I've been in before).
>
> I'm sorry you're feeling so down today. I'm such a loner that I suppose I've learned to be my own dorky best friend and at the risk of sounding incredibly anti-social (and selfish), I kind of prefer it that way.
>
> I think people are, by nature, self-involved. I mean, when you stop to think about it, who isn't? I know I am! Shoot, everyone is. We are, after all, in our own skin 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Given everyone's own level of self-involvement it may come down to the fact that everyone is busy doing their own thing and isn't ever purposefully rejecting anyone else.
>
> Sometimes I stop and think about how busy I am doing hardly anything, and I am struck by the thought that everyone else is out there, i.e. the guy in the next car over, the lady in front of me at the grocery store, the kid on the bike, etc., chugging away on the little Gerbil wheel in the same exact way. And suddenly, I feel really weird - as though my life, which seems so important to me, is just as unimportant to all these strangers as their lives are to me. That's a hard feeling to describe, but I've had it several times and it's kind of a weird sensation. It's like taking yourself out of your world for a moment and seeing the world in its entirety. It lasts for about as long as it does for the traffic light to change, or the kid on the bike to pedal out of view.
>
> I think I will post my mega-post to you before I go upstairs (it will follow this one), but first I want to say this - in the world of "message boards" it is easy to get caught up in an "act-react" mentality.
>
> You (not "you" personally) write something that's close to your heart and it's kind of a risky action, putting yourself out on the limb (in your own writing) on a public message board. The flipside of any act is usually a re-act-ion, similar to what happens in a real life conversation. I say something, you answer back, I respond and it goes back and forth.
>
> Some of that "act/reaction" DOES happen on message boards; however, message boards are unique in that they give people (such as myself) the luxury of walking away to do the laundry, answer the phone, take the dog out, etc. -
>
> I may have every intention of responding to a post, but once I delete the notice from my inbox, or look at the message on the board and it changes "colors," it is oftentimes forgotten.
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> Additionally, there seem to be individuals of all ages, gender and locale posting here. Some age groups have more in common, some people from similar localities can, perhaps, relate to one another a bit better, etc.
>
> To top it off, there are several people who have posted here for years and have naturally built up a lot of camaraderie. That shared history gives those folks a commonality that newcomers, such as myself and others, simply can't relate to because we haven't "done the time." That's just life. I guess if you stick around anywhere long enough you'll (not "you" - anyone) will start to fit in - I mean, look at the character of Cliff Claven on "Cheers."
>
> Actually, I like being a newcomer on any board - and here's why: I don't know about former skirmishes and I don't have preconceived notions about individual posters. That gives me a clean slate from which I can paint little thumbnail portraits of each poster as I slowly remember their story and start putting their posts together in memory. It's like starting a new book. Quite exciting.
>
> I don't know if any of this drivel I've written is of any use but I thought I would throw it into the mix.
>
> I hope you don't become discouraged and leave. It's one thing to leave because you're too busy or other things are going on in your "real" life - but I'm always saddened when people take off from any message board (not just this one) out of discouragement/disillusionment.
>
> I'll post the long dissertation after I give it one more read-thru.
>
> Best regards,
>
> LeeHi Lee,
You are more than wonderful to have responded to this. You are so gifted verbally. Did you ever, when you were a little girl, see another little girl with a pretty coat, or hair, or whatever, and you were in such awe of them. You knew that you didn't have what they did, and didn't hate them for it, because you were too young to be envious in a hateful way. So whenever this little girl came around you would smile extra big, or give her the one cupcake your mom packed in your lunch just so you could maybe be around her for a few minutes?This is how I feel about people who have a way with words. It amazes me how gifted some people in at the art of conversation, or at writing.
On the sidelines, I will secretly listen while I'm knitting or blankly staring out the window. I listen to how they can take such a trivial, even bland subject, and captivate the others. It'a all in the tone, eyes and mannerisms, I think. You would think that I would somehow pick up these skills by watching. It's like I know what I should do, but when my moment comes I shrivel up or freakily invade.Conversationally, I don't know how you are, but your writing skills blow me away and I promise I don't hate you for it. To get a response from you means that I can briefly participate in the captivating spell your words cast. Gosh, I sound weird, don't I? Maybe it's said better by comparing you to the little girl with perfect ringlets - everyone wants to be near her.
You say you're a loner, though, so I know that you have experienced the isolation and frustration. You seem to be able to relay those feelings so well.
poster:WorryGirl
thread:226613
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030506/msgs/226675.html