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Re: I wonder.... Dinah

Posted by leeran on May 2, 2003, at 13:49:14

In reply to Re: I wonder.... noa, posted by Dinah on May 2, 2003, at 8:25:52

Gosh, as a casual reader I can only say that the symbolism of what you wrote is very powerful. At first, I thought it might be rooted in your issues with vomit (the word regurgitate made my barf-a-phobe antennae go straight up) - but then, as I was rereading the words, I was really struck by the imagery:

"large sluglike creatures who grew larger and developed a hard shell. Then they would regurgitate masses of this cotton ball like material before returning to their former sluglike form."

Dinah, this almost seems like "dream code" (don't know what else to call it - symbolism, subliminal meaning, etc.) for the entire process of the male erection. I don't know any other way to put that, and I'm sure you've realized that and so has your therapist so I feel certain I'm not triggering anything you two haven't already covered.

How do I word this next part?

Once I got past the regurgitation notion (IOW, put my own vomit issues aside) and read your description yet again, in terms of it being sexual, something immediately came to my mind: an uncircumcised penis.

Then, I thought - why does that word "slug" trigger that image in my own mind? Could I be the only one?

So, I did an internet search and found several references to uncircumcised penises and slugs, as well as penises in general referred to as "slugs." In Australia, men's "bathers" are referred to as slug holders.

I now know more about slugs than I ever thought possible - including the term apophallation, which is a unique term for slugs and their mating ritual.

This dream of yours really intrigued me, as you can tell. It was so graphic - almost as graphic as the description of the event itself.

I don't want to go back through the threads and find the original post at this moment, but didn't it involve a cornfield???

I looked up the word "corn" and "slug" and there were 33,900 references that came up in the search. Apparently, slugs are a real problem with corn crops.

Then, this series of thoughts came to mind -

If you look up the word "apophallation" you will find 32 results for that word. The process of apophallation is one of fascination it seems, even to a few "bloggers" out there.

Now . . . I don't know if this term is unique to ALL slugs are just certain varieties - so I'm just throwing out a theory here.

The blood in your panties . . . perhaps from squatting down in the cornfield (corn row?) to look at something very close to the ground, out of fascination, as children are wont to do. At first entranced by these slugs - and then, horrified by what you saw unfold? Look up that word apophallation and you'll see what I mean. One website has a video and I couldn't allow myself to even click on the link to look (admittedly, I may be more "grossed out" than the average person by slimy worm-like things .

In squatting down to see something so closely/intently, could it be that your panties (or whatever you described wearing - I wish I had the post in front of me because Im thinking you said they were tight to begin with) dug into you without you realizing it at the moment - because you were so distracted by what you were seeing?

Dinah, I initially extrapolated "uncircumcised penis" from your dream description (strictly in a visual sense) and since I haven't found your original post I'm going mostly on the dream sequence versus the event itself. Because of the immediate visual your slug description created in my own mind's eye (of an uncircumscribed penis), the blood in your panties, your photographic memory of what you were wearing, etc., it's hard to ignore the possibility of sexual abuse. Either way, it seems that there was something about that day that made it different than a lot of other days in your childhood.

I remember as a little girl, seeing a male dog who was in pursuit of a female dog in heat. The visual of that male dog (I don't think I need to go further with this) just seemed disgusting and naughty to me (and I get the same feeling as I sit here remembering it). I remember my mother's reaction as well, not in these exact words - but the gist was "don't look at that, it's nasty."

I hope all this doesn't trigger anything negative. It seems like you are trying to make sense of the memory of that day, and perhaps it does have a sexual basis - but maybe NOT in the child abuse sense.

The sexual act in nature can be (for me) both fascinating and horrible (i.e. the Discovery channel has those specials on "Sex in the Animal World" and I can really get the willies watching all that).

Just throwing all this out . . .

-----------------------------

I became so engrossed in this post that I completely forgot about the dog's grooming appointment until they called to remind me (ahhhh, the annoying habit of overfocusing). So, I'm finally returning to this stream-of-consiousness mega post

On the walk over there I tried to figure out why slugs equal "uncircumcised penis" in my mind.

Then, I remembered an incident in college with this guy who was a very close friend (or that's how I saw him). We went places together, ate in the dorm cafeteria together, etc. and he even built a loft bed in my dorm room out of some boards and a tree trunk (pre-Trading Places / Martha Stewart era).

One day, he invited me to his dorm room (I had never been there, but he had often been to mine) after dinner and said he wanted to give me a massage (maybe I complained of a sore neck? I don't remember).

Anyone who can see where this is going might be thinking "didn't SHE see this coming?" But I honestly didn't. In fact, I had a boyfriend at another school and that was all made very clear to this friend months before. Plus, I've always been naive to a certain extent.

He started giving me this massage and all of a sudden it became obvious that he was getting into it in a non-therapeutic way. I turned my head and he used that opportunity to escalate the situation.

It was one of those weird moments. I felt heartsick that our friendship had just taken a wrong turn, guilty because he had been so nice to me, and in typical fashion for me, felt (for a split second) that I "owed him something" (i.e. affection - not sex) for being so nice, helpful, etc.

As I turned around he started kissing me, breathing way too heavily, and unzipping his pants, all in this awful "oh h*ll, now THIS is ruined moment." You can guess the rest - he was uncircumcised.

I shot out of that room like I had been sprung from a circus cannon, with him following behind apologizing (I assume after he had zipped his pants).

Of course, our friendship was over. I suppose it didn't have to be - but I wasn't mature enough to get past it.

When I remembered this, walking to the pet store, I immediately thought of what seeing "him" reminded me of - a slug.

NOTE: (to any uncircumcised male who might be reading this) - PLEASE, PLEASE know that I was 18 years old and more horrified by the situation than by the appendage, but it is part of the memory - and is apparently the reason why I associate the two words I've used here in this post with such frequence.

------------------------------------------

Now, on a totally different note.

I'm trying to conserve posts because I feel like I've posted SO much lately, yet, how does one transition from all this to . . . beverages?

The dotted line was supposed to help.

Regarding drinks - Dinah, the Diet Ice Sparkling drinks are excellent (I've consumed several since mentioning them in my post two days ago). And this is coming from a confirmed Coke addict. I've never seen them anywhere but Costco - but here's a link to the product.

http://www.talkingrain.com/PRODUCTS/SPARKLINGICE/index.htm


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poster:leeran thread:221574
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030426/msgs/223856.html