Posted by tina on April 25, 2003, at 14:35:31
In reply to Re: It's all so complicated » tina, posted by leeran on April 24, 2003, at 14:49:19
> For me, it's like standing at the bottom of some dark, slippery, filthy pit and knowing that I'm going to have to get really dirty, and really tired, and really scared before I get to the top.
> AND, there are the "what ifs" - what if I make it to the top but I can't hoist my big butt over the edge and end up sliding back down? What if I get out and fall in again? What if someday I fall in and never get out?
EXACTLY!!! Perfect description.
BUT THEN, there are the good days. But, does anyone else feel (on the good days) like there's something missing (i.e. worrying about everything). I think JYL mentioned something similar in a post.
It's like waiting for the other shoe to drop.(cliche of my own lol) I'm always thinking "this can't really be happening. It's not possible for me to have a good day....what's wrong? Something MUST be wrong. Bad....I know but it's not easy to stop thinking this way.
> I would really like to just write it all up in a neat little package, drop it off and say "Okay, here's the background and now here's $____ to cover your time reading it. Let's get together once you've read the prospectus."
That's what I'd like. Just to have it all written down and pass it out and then start the therapy. Explaining it again and again, in different ways to different people. It's what makes the therapist shopping such a chore. Then, when I do find one I like and start feeling better, those thoughts of "this can't be" come up again and I end up sabotaging the therapy experience and come up with some excuse not to continue.
It is quite complicated, isn't it.
Here's to simplicity, somehow, sometime.