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Re: Update and other stuff-PS

Posted by noa on April 24, 2003, at 6:41:28

In reply to Re: Update and other stuff, posted by noa on April 24, 2003, at 6:29:29

PS-- I realized that I didn't even mention the whole work thing. Maybe it is a good sign--I forgot about it for a few minutes!

I go back to work on Monday. Dreading it, for sure. I had a dream that the friend/colleague who is being let go, did not show up for two days. Then, in the dream, at the end of the work day, I decided not to drive home but to walk, and then decided not to walk, but to run. I started running and it was very positive. It was nearly effortless. I was aware that I was running just because it was enjoyable. I felt light and fleet and this sort of confidence that my feet can take me somewhere rather fast. It was a very long way to commute, though, on foot like that, but I was not tiring at all, and was going fast at a an easy jog. I think it was like each gait was long, a little like flying, but not. Like I was just so light on my feet that each gait was like an airy leap forward. Mind you, all the language I'm using to describe it is happening now. In the dream, it was just a kinesthetic experience.

It was such a hopeful feeling. But I don't know what to do with that. In contrast, I feel pretty stuck about the whole job thing. Maybe it was a wish dream.

I do feel stuck. I haven't pursued any other job leads yet. I have decided I cannot just leave my job right now. It is too big a risk. What I could do is sign a contract for another year, and then start early to pursue other leads for when the contract expires.

I also still need to figure out if I'm going to say or write something about how they handled this mess. I think I will, but I've not been mulling over the wording in the past few days. I had been finding myself composing in my head just before sleep, etc. But now I'm thinking about it less. Of course, going back on Monday is going to be hard--won't be able to ignore the mess as I have during my little vacation.

Yesterday I did get out (morning after the running dream---I think it helped!) and went to a botanical garden. It was so beautiful. I couldn't believe how many different kinds of orchids they had! I also walked a lot yesterday and that felt good.




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