Posted by leeran on April 10, 2003, at 15:27:22
In reply to Re: help with the stigma, posted by mambo on April 10, 2003, at 13:58:45
Andy,
I'm glad you could relate to some of what I wrote. I really took the long route around the block to get there!
I continue to be fascinated by only children. I am one - and my son is one as well.
IMO, only children can have environmental factors that put us at odds with the rest of the world, especially when we’re younger (but I do think it gets MUCH better as we get older!).
For example –
1) Oftentimes we don't learn to interact that well with other children because we're around adults so much of the time. I usually didn't feel as comfortable with people my own age as I did with adults.
2) We aren't that used to conflict with others own age. Who is there to argue with? Ourselves? Having a sibling seems as foreign to me as having an arm growing out of the top of my head. I can't imagine what it would have been like to have another person to fight with over what toy to play with, what television show to watch, etc.
3) We can become very dependent on the relationship we have with our parents or parent and if they're upset/mad at us it can seem devastating because there isn't anyone else on the "kid team."
4) I think we have a tendency to take things more personally than others do. Children with siblings may develop a tougher exterior and might be able to let things (like being teased) roll off a bit easier. I'm not saying that being a child with siblings is easier - but it's just completely different than being an only because there’s more combat zone training.
5) I think we're more likely to read things into actions/looks because we've grown up observing the subtleties of adult behaviors versus the more straightforward actions of other children. Adult actions/responses are more complex. If an adult is mad, the emotion may be displayed as a look or an attitude. If a sibling is mad, it may involve a push or a shove. I notice more and more that my son seems to be constantly "reading" my looks or zeroes in on something as subtle as a sigh. I feel bad about that sometimes, but it's just the way we're wired.
You said - "I am so sensitive to everything, which I know has its good points, but I'd give it all up in a second given the chance."Andy, I understand EXACTLY what you mean by this sentence. It would be nice to have the option of disabling the radar now and then - if for no other reason than to have some peace and quiet for a change!
It sounds like you have a profound ability to empathize with other human beings, which can be a gift and a burden. From personal experience, I think it's more of a gift than a burden.
I don't know how old you are but it sounds like you have already learned a lot about yourself, and that knowledge has made you more open to the feelings of others. If you're in your twenties (I'm guessing here) you might find that you’re starting to naturally gravitate toward other people like yourself. Finding individuals you can really connect with can be truly phenomenal. If you’re that open, then a meeting of the minds is all the more possible! Not just in personal relationships, but in professional environments as well.
Maybe we are what we eat but I think we are what we were “birth ordered.” I’ve read a few books about birth order and I now have the annoying habit of asking people their birth order.
Lee
poster:leeran
thread:218105
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030407/msgs/218277.html