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Everybody who had the police show up tonight for

Posted by Alii on January 1, 2003, at 2:29:42

...a suicide check (welfare check?)raise their hands?


Thanks to many circumstances which led to my being home tonight after many hours of going to the show and not getting let into the show because of a backpack and not having anywhere to put said backpack because of taking public transportation. This part means nothing.

Come home. Sad. On the ride up on public transportation I was thinking through letters in my head, this I do often, and trying to get them mostly finished. I spent a better half of 45 minutes totally focused on looking out the window and thinking I am most certainly better off dead than alive.

Back home. Partner goes to bed. Dog goes out to lie on futon (damn lucky dog) and I go to sit in front of the wall unit heater and call a friend to cry out some of this pain and anguish inside of me.

This is a trusted soul. Someone with whom I've shared sacred information that I can't even get out to my therapist (although I am working in that direction).

This friend, pal, bud, chum worried when I hung up after some yelling had begun and me in my fragile state not wanting to be yelled at. So as not to wake my partner I turned off the house phone and machine and was fiddling with the cell for silent mode but just turned it off instead.

Great best concerned person of the old year (this all went down in the eleven o'clock hour folks of 2002) goes to my pal who called the police on me.

I got to go out to the sidewalk in front of my house and chat with a nice fella from the local department, along drives up another green and white with two inside--dirty Harriet and joe gun---who join young blondie who is inquiring as to my well-being.

I had all the right answers and all of this was in front of my neighbours across the street having their New Year's Eve party spilling out onto their front porch......I got to tell the police that I was fine and I even had my good friend on the cordless to talk to the officer when he arrived so that friend could explain why they had called in a welfare check.

Chit chat. Taking my med. Have both pdoc and therapist. Friend concerned and thanks but I'm okay. Wake partner? No, no need. Dog is in on futon. ( I brought her 70 lbs. out to the porch as they were leaving so she could wiggle her stumpy docked tail at them----loves uniforms our dog!!) I convinced them I'm fine. They left saying I could call for numbers to any agency if I needed, blah blah blah.

This was how I welcomed in 2003.

Fuck you to my dear friend. My anger for overreacting to my sharing inner pain that you mistook for imminent suicide is immense. I was talking about what I had been thinking all night so that I wouldn't be holding it in but never in all my mind did I ever think you would ring the fuzz. You really made my fucking night.

Grrrrrrrrr.

Happy fucking police filled suicide checks to all you out there too! I had one!!!!

~alii


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poster:Alii thread:34319
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021226/msgs/34319.html