Posted by bluedog on December 18, 2002, at 7:03:57
In reply to Social Anxiety or Paranoia? Help, I'm freaking out, posted by Alara on December 18, 2002, at 2:33:27
Alara
I can empathise completely with you! What you are describing definitely sounds like social anxiety to me.
I returned to full time work myself on Monday this week (I am having Wednesdays off initially on the recommendation of my psychiatrist).
Well today was my day off and I am now SEVERELY depressed again. Today and and with each passing day since my return to work I am becoming more and more anxious and my depression is building up again to previous lows (and I'm still on AD meds and taking Valium to help me through the day). All this after I've only been back at work 2 days after a four month break.
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> The rest of the time I lived a hermit-like existence, only occasionally seeing my boyfriend. I was happy on my own with my hobbies and my cat and even enjoyed the odd brief social interaction. For the first time in years, I was capable of feeling like a normal person without ADs or alcohol. I had a strong inner conviction that if I continued to ease rehabilitate myself, I'd be able to live a normal life.This describes me down to the last detail but because of my social anxiety I can't even get a girlfriend let alone break up with one. You can also substitute the word dogs for cat in your above description. Just last Friday I thought that I had actually thought I had my condition under control but 2 days back at work has shattered this illusion completely!
==================================================================================================> I am feeling very unattractive....I feel as though these conflicts are obvious because I am very shy and have this body dysmorphic/awkward body language thing. This makes me CONSTANTLY uptight about what others are thinking and saying about me..I know that other people probably have better things to do than to talk and laugh about me, but every time I hear someone talk or laugh around me, I do an incredible amount of self-referencing. (It's all that I can do to disguise my paranoia by not turning around every time somebody laughs.)
I consider myself completely UGLY. I know it's my social anxiety talking but I simply can not talk to let alone attract any female that I find attractive. I am also COMPLETELY paranoid (especially when I hear laughter). It's so bad that when my neighbours next door are having a party and I hear laughter or mirth I become CONVINCED that they are having some joke about that ugly loser neighbour of theirs (in other words ME!!!!). I lock myself indoors when this happens and will not go into my back yard when my neighbours are having a party for fear that they will see me and laugh at me. (It's really bizarre because my neighbours are actually very nice people but SOCIAL ANXIETY IS EXTREMELY POWERFUL)
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> At the core I am just extremely sensitive. I know that people probably do think that I'm extremely odd as I am highly unusual. (I relate totally to the recent social anxiety thread in this forum.) The core of my paranoia is that I feel so uncomfortable about myself that it is showing in my body language and that is making other people feel uncomfortable around me. (That is probably the main reason why I never fit in.)This is me again. Sounds like social anxiety to me!!!!!
==================================================================================================> My biggest fear is that I have paranoid schizophrenia. Can a person really be a paranoid if they are totally aware that they are paranoid, or is this social anxiety? I had 4 years of therapy and have been told that I cannot be psychotic as I have very good self-insight, but those feelings of paranoia are torturing me at the moment.
My paranoia tortures me too. Again I'm certain it's my social anxiety and from what you describe you also sound like you have social anxiety NOT paranoid schizophrenia (of course I'm NOT a psychiatrist but I am speaking from personal experience. I have had much personal contact with paranoid schizophrenics and have seen many letters written by paranoid schizophrenics and I believe that your insight and the coherence of your posts doesn't even come close to your fears that you have this condition).
When I walk out the front door of my house I'm certain that the neighbours are all laughing at me. When I leave a shop after having made a purchase I am convinced that the sales staff are having a good joke at my expense.
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> I don't want to sell my soul and my physical health to antipsychotics or even antidepressants. My mother cried after I came of Effexor and told me how glad she was to have her daughter back.Don't believe for a minute that taking meds is selling your soul. THis is NOT true!!!!!
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>I'm hoping that I'm just going through an adjustment period.Me too!!
==================================================================================================> I just feel like bursting into tears at the moment but I know that I'll be exhausted at work tomorrow if I let myself cry tonight. Will have a good cry on the weekend. I know that I am basically a very strong person but right now I feel like a twig that is about to snap.
Like you I am on constantly on the verge of tears (not a real good look for an Aussie male) and I don't know if I'm going to cope with the next two days before the weekend. I am doomed to simply being too sensitive to exist normally in this world!!!
==================================================================================================> Please, I don't want a lecture on my need to see a psychiatrist or to try this drug or that. I will take care of that when my financial situation improves. However, I would appreciate any insight to the possible nature of my condition (anxiety vs paranoia). Nobody ever seems to talk about feelings of paranoia and right now I feel really alone.
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> Am I really the only person in the world who suffers from this kind of paranoia? I have never met anyone like me.NO, NO, NO you definiteley are not the only person in the world with this kind of paranoia. I am extremely paranoid and since my return to work am beginning to relapse into very severe depression again. What you have sounds all too familiar to a long term social phobia sufferer like myself!!
warm regards and my thoughts are with you
bluedog
poster:bluedog
thread:33537
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021218/msgs/33544.html