Posted by BeardedLady on November 17, 2002, at 14:26:11
Since my dog died, but even since before, I cry all the time. I can't get motivated to do anything. I'm afraid my sleep will never come back to me.
Right now, I take a mg. of ativan at bed time, but I used to never need help falling asleep. Now I'm afraid NOT to take it. Then I still wake up at two. Sometimes I take 1 mg. of ativan, but last night I took one and felt jumpy so I took the other 1 (half of the prescribed 2).
I slept from 10:30 until 8:15. I sleep long and hard on ativan. Not that I'm complaining about too much sleep, but I'm not cheerful at all. I can't find a joke to laugh about or anything to smile about.
Let's see: I've given up that crazy job, I'm almost at the end of the semester, I have some work that I can do easily and that pays well, I've got a bitchin' new wardrobe and can almost wear a size 6, I'm teaching a grad class next semester, I have a mosaic project in prep, I have a children's book manuscript out to six publishers, I had a great dinner with friends last night, I still can have orgasms (even with a benzo), and my sister's feeding us steak tonight so we don't have to cook.
But my beloved dog is dead, and I'm taking a strange new med I shouldn't need, and the house is a wreck, and I have 30 papers to grade, and all I do is sit and feel sorry for myself.
Yes, it's time to snap out of it.
No response to this post is necessary. I'm trying to kick myself in the ass. Thanks to all who posted before on those two lengthy threads. I wish to be myself again.
beardy
poster:BeardedLady
thread:32423
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021106/msgs/32423.html