Posted by Roman on November 11, 2002, at 21:44:04
It feels like I'm in a small cell with a window just large enough to see everyone on the outside laughing and playing--free and happy. My depression and anxiety keep me from having friends; from going on dates; from talking to people; and most of all, from enjoying life.
As if the pain of depression wasn't enough, the loneliness and social discomfort are torturing me day after day. When I sleep, I have friends, a nice girfriend, etc. then I awake to 'real' life--to my prison cell.
My life is such a mess, I can't believe it got this bad--when I look at a photograph of myself when I was a little guy, I'm smiling and playing--what happened? What did I do wrong? I just want to feel happy again for a minute, to feel pleasure again one time before I sleep forever--it never comes though--still I wait, and sleep, and wait.
Memories of the past and hopes for the future are all I have, like I exist in a void punched-out in the middle of my life--I don't feel alive anymore--as if I'm waiting to be reborn, or just waiting to sleep endlessly.
poster:Roman
thread:32116
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021106/msgs/32116.html